The anxiety can be tough. Mine has lessened over time, but is still sometimes paralyzing. The side effects of chemo are much worse this time. I tend to be very pessimistic. I would hate to maintain a positive outlook only to be crushed by bad news later. I’d rather prepare for the worst, and then be happily surprised if things get better.
Do you like and trust your doctors? Let them know about your anxiety. Is it keeping you from sleeping? If so, there are medications that can help.
I also find the serenity prayer helps a lot. I once went camping with friends. We didn’t bother with bringing tents, we just slept in our sleeping bags on the ground. I woke up in the middle of the night to a skunk sniffing around my backpack. It was only a foot from my head. I thought, “Well, nothing I can do about that,” and went back to sleep.