@dani349, I promise you’re not alone here and I wish I could reach through the computer to wrap you in a huge hug to help calm you. And I’m a great hugger! So please take a slow, deep breath and then exhale even more slowly through your lips. I’ve got you.
I think most of us are scared of the unknown, especially when we get a diagnosis with the word cancer in it. I don’t know about you, but I’m unfortunately very good at telling myself stories. I can fill my brain with all the worst case scenarios and they just never come true! What a waste of time and energy!
So I’ve learned over the years to not let my mind wander into that negative self talk. Because those dark thoughts are “What If” thoughts. And they are just absolutely wasted time and stress inducers. So my approach is If/Then. If something happens, then I’ll deal with it head on. Or I ask myself, “What if everything turns out great?”. We have that ability to change the self talk, change the narrative in our heads.
I’ve looked back on your initial post to see that you’ve been diagnosed with CLL/SLL. Blood cancer is my area of experience so I’d like to respond to your post in that thread and hopefully offer you some reassuring information about your condition. Both are very slow to develop. From my understanding it’s typically curable or manageable with treatment and can go many years before it even progresses.

Please meet me over here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/1042622/

What are things that bring you joy every day, Dani?