Anger and Counseling

Just started counseling for anger and depression. I have always had anger issues in the past and never dealt with them. I’m sort of like you thinking that talking isn’t going to solve my problems. I’m hoping I’m wrong and will stick with it. I guess the one benefit is you can speak freely because it feels like it doesn’t matter what I say to this guy. It’s not the same as talking to family or friends. I wish you the best.

Hi Mike and batsam,

anger for me is misplaced emotions. I don't know how to deal with a lot of things, and powerlessness is a major one. Anger is my fallback and familiar emotion. Talking helps immensely. So does a support group.

I have been recently diagnosed with Gleason 3 +3 Prostrate Cancer. I went through an afternoon of self pity, not anger. I worked 2 full time jobs for 20 years in order to have some retirement money and now I have f-ing cancer.

But, prostrate cancer is among the most treatable. We are not powerless over it. There are medical advances every day to treat it. I also have a very supportive wife who is a 9 year cancer survivor.

An attitude of gratitude goes a long way.

I got angry when my first wife got breast cancer 40 years ago. Then my Mom got it, my aunt (Mom’s sister) got it. Finally my sister got it. Thankfully, none died from it; although my ex-wife’s cancer came back two more times and she suffers lasting effects from all the radiation treatments.

When I got my diagnosis in March ‘22, I had a philosophy of ‘What’s done is done, getting angry will not make the situation any better. Just deal with it and move on.” Life is so much easier now. I do currently have a Therapist and it’s not my first one.

My current wife was by my side from diagnosis through a clear pathology report. I’m so glad I have her to lean on.

I wish all of you peace, love and acceptance.

This is a tough topic to confront... I think frustration, impatience and anger may be common with a diagnosis, and with the "healing/recovery" process... There are comparisons to how other people did after surgery; "I didn't have any incontinence..."; "I was back riding my bike in 2 weeks..."; etc. These tend to be the types of comparators we hear the loudest when our own recovery is not going seemingly as well, or as quickly. It can be extremely frustrating. I have become very irritable and easier to anger since surgery and, what I consider to be, a slow recovery... I have been an athlete my entire life. I was in pretty good shape going into surgery and have been working out, hiking, doing kegels 3-5x/day - including under the instructions of a pelvic floor physio. Even using red light therapy on the sensitive nerve areas. 7 months out from surgery, I am still wearing "one product"/day (usually a TENA Guard or Depend Shield). I do not feel up to riding my mountain bike yet. It is extremely frustrating not being able to have full control over various bodily functions that we took for granted for our lifetime. Patience, intention, gratitude need to be consciously-practiced - even scheduled if necessary. I say this more easily than I do this. But I try to remind myself of this as much as possible. This chat group and other support groups are extremely helpful. You are right, life is too short (and getting shorter) to be in an angry state. Best to all!

The emotional rollercoaster is horrible. Finding this great group of guys was a blessing. To your point, it is treatable if /when you have to seek treatment. According to your Gleeson score, I hope that you stay low risk for a very long time. Best of luck to you.

This is a great topic to have started, @miked77. Life is most definitely too short to be angry. Any tips for others on how to find a counselor who "clicks" with you? Where does one start?

Trial and error. My first counselor was into Rock and Roll so we had nothing in common although it was still good to find someone to gripe to. Then I heard of a counselor who was connected to the university but was on a wait list. Got an appointment several months later and it worked.

I preferred a man as I thought he would understand the situation more and I wanted someone a bit older. Just try an appointment or two and move on it does not "Click".

I dealt with the setbacks and life changing news when I was diagnosed through my surgery. However, when my PSA did not zero out in the months after surgery I absolutely did not know how to cope with that.

I decided to search for a counselor I could confide in and have frank discussions with regarding my inability to deal with my own mortality. I got very lucky and found a very gifted PsyD psychologist who I've been seeing every other week now for over 2 years. She taught me some skills on how to deal with negative thoughts that crept into my mind too often. Most importantly she provides an outlet for me to dump my pent-up emotions all over her office floor whenever I need to. She also helps me figure out how to manage my friendships and relationships with my family in the setting of my having a high risk cancer. Highly recommend it to anyone dealing with this disease.

I am 70 years old, diagnosed 2/2/24 with 4+3=7 PCa I would love to have not been diagnosed until age 77, and I would be dancing in the streets with a 3+3=6 which is really not even cancer, and you can do AS for many years.
It's all about attitude, and the better life you have had, the harder it is to accept, but accept we must. I am personally opting for Watchful Waiting, rather than life changing treatment. I would like to have 5 more Good Years and if I make 80 that would be a bonus. Philosophy is the balm that soothes the wounds of life, and protects us from life's sharp vicissitudes. I find comfort in the philosophy of the Stoics, Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius, and the principles of Buddhism, the law of the impermanence of all things, the certainty of death, the ephemeral and transitory nature of life, and extreme gratitude for all the days we've had, and to live totally in the present moment with no fears or anxiety about the future. Many good You Tube videos on the Stoics and the principles of Buddhism, just search and you will find. Anger is one of the things that causes us suffering, along with attachment, ignorance and aversion. One thing we all have in common on this support group, is we are all older, for the most part 60's and 70's so we have all had a long life. My brother died from testicular cancer at 32 leaving behind a 10 year old son. So we all have to be grateful for each day, and live each moment to the fullest. Having PCa is a wake up call for me to live the few years I have left with a vengeance. Peace of mind to all, and Gratitude is the Mother of all Virtues.

I would suggest contacting a cancer center to ask about therapists affiliated with them who work with cancer patients and their caregivers. After the pandemic, many of these sessions can be completely remote if the therapist is not conveniently located and travel is not an option. My husband and I both have found a good therapist who works with a cancer center and its affiliated medical school, but that affiliation is not necessary.