You know, having led the incredible life you had it's so difficult to understand what and why you are going through so much. I too don't get out much, no lunches, no walks on the beach (again, no car). One resident here took me to Dunkin Donuts (just because) and after that she took me to the most beautiful mansion with lily ponds all around. After we got home she came down to my apartment and asked me if I would go to the beach with her. Now, you have to understand that I am the most unspontaneous person alive but I did go with her. All I wanted was to feel the sand under my feet and walk in the ocean. Well, after about an hour large dark clouds started and thunder was coming. I couldn't believe it, my one time to do what I have longed to do comes to an abrupt end so I enjoyed the beach for an hour. That was two summers ago and she has never asked me again. I have to add that she is a bit different but really??? Hope that made you smile. My depression is mostly about financial troubles and some health issues (they can be handled so I'm okay). Depression is in my family. My mother, my sister, my father and me. Not being able to go to Marshall's, anywhere, is not in the cards for me and it really is depressing (there is that word again). I have two nieces but I really don't see them very often. They are my only family. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is. Let's get back to you. You mentioned ECT in an earlier post. I imagine this is a really scary proposition but it's not like it was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It may be the one for you. I have heard from reading that it does help people with antidepressant resistance. Just a suggestion. What if you feel great after it?? I feel so badly for you and all of the disappointments that you have had to go through. Know that there are people out here that understand but may not have had such difficult incidents with therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Keep the faith. : )