Thank you. You are not the first person to tell me I am "too kind." I probably am, as well as too forgiving. I know why I am this way, as it in direct response to the way I was raised, and I have made it my mission in life to be as kind as possible, as forgiving as possible, even when such feelings have not been warranted. I realize I need to change this, because what happens is that many in my life know my personality, and tend to take advantage of it, for lack of a better word. Maybe I do not have to try so hard.
I am working on making new friends etc., and this has been very refreshing. However, at the same time, I miss the connection with those I have knows more than half my life, who still keep in touch when they want to. Coincidentally, I was looking at a letter I had written to a college friend last month, but forgot to mail. I had mailed her a lovely Christmas gift and never heard back....typical. I try not to have expectations, but I also know that this person has no time in her life for me, she has made this clear. "I have a busy life, and I live life to the fullest, and your letters are too long for me to read." Initially I was stung by this response, just for the fact we had always been like sisters, and because we had lost track of each other over the years, she did not want to try to renew our friendship. Fine. It is a bit disheartening, as I have a picture of the two of us on my desk, and when I look at it, I look so happy and healthy, a stranger now.

I am constantly cleaning my apartment and told my psychologist that cleaning is a kind of a meditation for me, especially when I am listening to music. Also, I have started my woodworking projects again, and this has been very fulfilling in terms of feeling a sense of accomplishment. I am working on my art like a madwoman, in preparation for a craft fair next month where my sister lives, something I did last year and made a decent amount of money.

I know I have it better than most and am very grateful. But lately it feels like something is missing and I can't put my finger on it. I suppose it has something to do with my best friend and her dementia, not remembering the richness of our friendship, or anything for that matter. We used to have such great conversations, and while she often has lucid moments, they are getting fewer and farther between. I miss her.

I will get through this, probably kicking and screaming. I have always envied those who have found comfort in "God." I was not raised in a religious family, and my mother taught me different things to believe in, such as "myself" etc. Isn't is strange how people don't talk to anyone anymore like in the past? I am always saying "hello" to strangers I pass during my day, often striking up a conversation, and generally they seem surprised that I am taking the time to do so. I think our world has changed in this regard, and I often tell my friend that I am glad I will not be around for the next generation because I do not like the direction the way the world is going: no humanity.

Thank you for your prayers, I appreciate them and you very much.