@lou3 First of all, sending you a big, big hug.
I too was a nervous wreck before my LAR, so I started psychotherapy and meditation. Also Dr. Andrew Weil's 4-7-8 is starting to help me (it takes several weeks of pratice). It is important to share your feelings with your husband and anyone close to you, because then they will understand your behavior and be able to provide better support. I learned it the hard way: trying to protect my parents from being anxious because of my health, I increased my own anxiety ten-fold. Once I told them, I could breathe more freely and focus on being as calm as possible. Writing down what you feel in a diary can also be helpful.
Something else that helped me was to make an appointment with the surgeon and bombard him with about 15 questions related to the surgery, the hospital stay and the early convalescence. Also talking with someone who had gone through the same surgery (mine was a two-stage Turnbull-Cutait pullthrough with coloanal anastomosis, which is a form of TME without a stoma).
Finally, I also took a short trip with my husband to a place I had long wanted to visit, just before the surgery, leaving 2 days for the prep.
Also, preparing things that would occupy me through the hours at the hospital: a book that wouldn't need me to concentrate much, a video game, and crocheting, and a stress relief ball or small stuffed animal.
You might want to take your own wipes to the hospital, without alcohol or fragrance. Pack anything you feel will make you feel good about yourself and relaxed. It might be make-up, your favorite perfume, your favorite hydrating cream or oil for massages, your favorite earings, aroma-therapy difusor, an electric cushion, etc. Preparing your bag with feel good things can help you relax a little.

Lou, I am 65 and had my first hospital stay and surgery in April when I had my LAR. I went right into a temporary ileostomy, and I was just blind with anxiety in the days leading up to the surgery. There is no way to know what to expect. It will be ok. It will be scary, and different, and you will amaze yourself how strong and adaptive you are. You will draw on strengths you didn’t realize you had.
There are wonderful nurses and doctors and helpful people all along the way. I keep a pad with me always and wrote down EVERY question that crossed my mind.
I promise you it will be ok. Feel free to reach out to me anytime. I may have some similar experiences that could help you.
You got this! Sending 💗🌹

Lou, I forgot to add something that made a good difference to me. I went online and ordered a really pretty, loose, high waisted cotton dress (from Pact). I wore it home, and wore it to most of my chemo appts. It didn’t interfere with my ileostomy bad, and it made me feel good every time I put it on!!
I know you just have a few days., but maybe go online and check them out!
https://poshmark.com/listing/Pact-Revive-Pop-Over-Dress-Animal-Print-Organic-Cotton-Scoop-Neck-Cap-Sleeve-XS-65ad798bbd66cdce8f410dd9

You've got this!
I'm also a 65 year old Cdn female who had a LAR with temp ileostomy in March 2022. Do you know yet if you're having a temp ileostomy? Mine was a bit of a surprise........ Think loose clothing, getting up and around as soon as you can, and please consider having your husband help you as much as possible - it's helpful to be able to lean, AND it helps them be involved and improves their ability to empathize (in my experience.) Sending you good vibes! Please do let us know how you are doing and ask away with the questions xo