I have been attending to my Mom's care for nine years since she suffered a TBI in 2015 which left her with dementia. She has been in a memory care facility since late 2019. I know I have done the best that I am capable of doing for her but: the feeling of guilt is always there. There's always that nagging sense of feeling like one should have or should be doing more.

What I have done is to adapt to that guilt in the same way I have adapted to Mom's dementia: to just let all the self-recriminating words, all the logical ideas of guilt that we "pre-dementians" hold true, let them slide by as I do my Mom's jumble of syllables, without trying to understand them (they, like guilt in this case, cannot be understood) and just breathe and be at peace as much as possible.

It doesn't always work, there are moments when the guilt flares up - just as there are moments when we lose our patience with the person we are caring for - but for me it helps viewing that guilt as PART of the dementia, and to be at peace with it as much as possible. I hope this helps in some small measure.

Jump to this post