How much do you share with acquaintances or teachers?

I'm an old hippie from Austin, age 63, and I let it all hang out. I don't shout from the rooftops that I had breast cancer, but a bald woman is a dead giveaway that something is up, and I don't care what anyone thinks. It's a life threatening disease, not syphilis or the clap. Only a couple of people said anything grossly insensitive. I didn't get upset; rather, I am grateful that I got to see who they really are before I wasted any more precious time on them. Those oxygen pirates won't be missed. Mostly, though, people were kind and concerned.

I agree that cancer has a way of weeding out fair-weathered friends. By the same token, casual acquaintances can really surprise you with an unexpected level of support so it can also build new friendships. 😊

Zebra, that is so true! I had a few acquaintance friends who really went above and beyond (a cooler full of meals) and those who I considered closer friends who weren’t “there for me”.

I used an online forum called Caring Bridge (almost five years ago) to share my diagnosis and progress as I became weary of repeating updates. People seemed to appreciate it and could write remarks back to me. That being said, if I have a recurrence, I would probably be more private. Do whatever works for you.

Best wishes, Cindy

After 20 years and a lot of history, I just don’t tell anyone unless they ask. Then I tell them the truth. My IQ dropped 10 points and I struggle sometimes with my own brain being snail slow.
I love this discussion! When I just finished the first and worst round of treatments, still bald and skinny, a person I thought was a really good friend gave me a present for my last day of radiation (also my birthday). It was a book by someone who had never had cancer about how to be over it and leave it in the past and move on for the sake of your friends and family. It was an old used paperback she had found on some website. She claimed to have read it first, but if she did she should have predicted it would basically end our friendship of 10 years. It was incredibly insulting from someone who had never had a major illness. This was a huge lesson for me.
I now surround myself with better people, and Mayo connect. I would rather have coffee with you girls every day.❤️
Does Mayo connect make a difference for any of you by giving you someone to discuss your issues and gifts from cancer and the treatments?

Hi Chris,
my dad used to say that around illness and death people tended to divide into those who felt fear and those who felt sympathy. Then he'd add "stick with those
who feel sympathy." It was good advice all around. Those who feel fear can often descend into a state of panic where they can be very hurtful. So I'm following my dad's advice and yes, Mayo connect leads with sympathy, not fear. Thanks for the question.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t want to tell anybody because, I’m being really honest here, because I didn’t want to hear anyone say something stupid. Only one person did. When I finally told a few people, one person said my 9mm tumor was big and that her daughter does nipple tattooing. Did I say that I was going to be losing my nipples? Honestly! It’s just so annoying the things that people say when they don’t understand. My breast cancer is not a business opportunity.

I needed time to adjust to hearing “cancer” and did not tell anyone but family in the beginning. There were no outward signs of my treatment, so I was not having to explain anything. I did eventually tell my friends and had great support. Once I decided to have a double mastectomy and told my sister of my decision, it came as a surprise that she was very upset with me that I was not planning to reconstruct. At that point, I decided not to tell my friends what I had chosen surgically, after understanding that this decision can be controversial. This may seem strange, but I also did not want my husbands male friends judging my decision. Kudos to many of you who say you don’t care what people think. I care for myself and my husband and want my life to be as normal as possible. I have successfully compensated for much of the damage done to my body and the effects are not noticeable.
Nobody needs to know, unless you are 100% comfortable with telling them.

Not yet through surgery, but I tell everyone because I have a rarer form and it was negative on the mammogram but the astute dermatologist knew about it, did a biopsy of the eczema spot on my nipple and diagnosed it. Will lose the nipple, maybe part of the breast, facing a 2nd MRI with biopsy to see what's going on, but so very fortunate it was diagnosed early.
I want people to KNOW about this rare type: Mammary Pagets Disease. It is only 1% of Breast Cancers and many patient and physicians aren't alert to it. As I bluntly tell friends, "My Boob itched!" I don't need my nipple, or my boob, and feel quite ready to get rid of the entire diseased part and get on with my healthy life.
Reactions to just the words: "Nipple", "Boob", have been interesting, male friends sometimes suddenly avoid eye contact. But as my husband said, our doc warned him about male breast cancer, so these are issues for all of us. Don't put Cancer on a pedestal, it's a disease, and can be slowed if caught early. I am so fortunate, my skin is trying to kill me (already had melanoma) so an advocate of sharing, and seeing a dermatologist.
AND I've met the most helpful people, friends confided, acquaintances offered help, husbands offered to confide with my husband, cancer is no longer whispered, the support is tremendous.

My cancer is not breast cancer, it's rectal cancer. People are often grossed out by that adjective, but it doesn't stop me from using it.

When I got my diagnosis on Dec. 26, 2022, I told my kids two days later, after seeing the surgeon. Once they had taken in the news and shared with their respective girlfriends, I told some relatives and a network of friends, both local and far away. I got back the emotional support I needed, from each one according to their personality.

On Nov. 29, 2023, I was told I had a renewed polyp facing a rectovaginal fistula that had developed because of the radiotherapy. Given their location, I needed a total mesorectal resection through a complex two-step surgery. At first, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, except my husband, kids, sister-in-law, and brother. As my anxiety grew, I wanted to meet people who had undergone a Turnbull-Cutait pullthrough. I could not find anyone anywhere, I could not find any local group for people with colorectal cancer. Therefore I decided to spread the word: I recounted the story of my illness and complications and explained the treatment to many people. Why? To raise awareness about colorectal cancer. And most importantly, to let them know that if they themselves or anyone they know ever has to face the same or a similar situation, they can contact me or give my number.
As some of you have mentioned, people from whom I was not expecting anything were willing to help with practical stuff, like meals for my family, shopping, laundry washing.
I feel no shame if I have to mention that I no longer have a rectum and face a new functional reality.

@verol65
Wow, that all sounds very challenging. Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you’re receiving needed support from friends and family. You have a great attitude. Prayers for you.