My husband is also an engineer, and has a rather explosive temper (thankfully infrequent). I don't know if anger management classes would help, but yelling at people is an effective method for pushing them away. Hair triggers aren't good for guns or people. After my head injury my emotions ran close to the surface and the usual controls were on off. Consider stepping away from conflicts rather than the commander approach. https://www.biausa.org/public-affairs/media/brain-injury-and-deficits-in-initiation