Anyone break up with a GF when diagnosed? Treatment easier solo?

Let’s put it this way.. The diagnosis of prostate or any cancer for that matter will certainly test the strength of a relationship whether you are married or have a girlfriend… Since prostate cancer treatments tend to interfere with your sex life, this could be a big deal if this is/was an important part of the relationship… Those who are in a long marriage seem to have support from their spouses… Those who have a girlfriend (myself included) may find the support/advocacy a bit more challenging… That applies whether you are a fully functional male or not… The cancer diagnosis itself can change things… Of course, this is an individual thing depending on your specific situation… I just think it would be more challenging for a girlfriend than a wife… This is just my opinion…

I would say you could use all the support you can get and if she is willing to give you support and help through this all, bless her heart. You can always break up later if it doesn't work out.

I will have to admit I have been envious at times when I see the supportive wife/partner advocating for her man and being more active on these sites than the guy himself. I would have liked to have had someone that could have just worked equally with me. Although I did have a girlfriend that was supportive at times,I felt I was taking care of her more than she was me. That was before stage 4. Now that I’ve been diagnosed with stage 4 requiring chemo last summer and now Pluvicto I don’t have the energy to deal with the drama of her life which really intensified last October when she moved her 40 year old son in with her after his wife finally kicked him out for what I thought was all the right reasons. My girlfriend had previously said she would not move him in if this happened but she did and I have been on my own since. I think I would have been better off had I not even had a girlfriend because going through a breakup during the middle of stage 4 cancer treatment is really really tough.

johnpca,
You're going through an emotional time right now. It's not the time to be making big decisions especially since you are projecting E.D. and what your new girlfriend will do if you do have it. There are things that can be done for E.D. and who knows, this new chapter in your life might be the thing that brings you two together in intimate ways other than sex.

I looked up Pluvicto and found this kind of funny: You should use effective contraception for intercourse during treatment with PLUVICTO and for 14 weeks after your last dose. As if anyone who was so far along with their cancer they had to resort to Pluvicto would still be having sex.

Seems to me since the relationship is a bit on the newer side , you have the straight up convo and tell her there might be issues with S function. Give her the choice to bow out. It will test the real depth of the feelings and you get to move on or know there is something there.

@johnpca, just checking in. How are you doing? Have you had a chance to have a frank and open conversation with your girlfriend?

In my opinion, a loving relationship is much more than sex. If a girlfriend cannot support you when you have been diagnosed with cancer, I would personally question whether she has the empathy/care required for a healthy long term relationship. For my wife and I, sexual intercourse was the last thing we worried about when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer - Gleason Score of 7 (4/3). What we wanted was the best possible chance for a cancer free life and spending many additional years together experiencing life. I was 56 when I had my radical prostatectomy and now 57. Thankfully, PSA undetectable so far and praying every day that this continues for many years to come.

I know every relationship is different, so please take this feedback as another opinion.

My wife has been totally supportive. At almost 70 sex isn't as high on the priority list
as it once was. LMAO

Sorry, I guess I didn’t explain this well. I was married for 27 years, and I know what unlimited support feels like. That’s not what I am referring to here. And it’s not the GF, she says she is supportive. It’s me, not her. When you are faced with treatment choices that inevitably involve trade offs between effectiveness and toxicity, my point was if you don’t have a relationship to worry about you can go all in on effectiveness. And maybe if you are long term married you are also in that boat. It may not be your goal, but you have enough base that you can think your spouse won’t abandon you if things go badly with ED. You work through it.

It’s different in a new relationship. That’s a lot to ask of someone you haven’t known long. Everyone may have good intentions, but there is reasonable basis to think there isn’t as much commitment to all potential outcomes as there likely would be in a long term marriage.

So my point was just that it creates tension in the decision process that wouldn’t be there if you were resolved to just taking care of your life expectancy without being as focused on preserving short term potency and your budding relationship.