Hi jazzer,
this sounds like an enormous amount to have to deal with, all at once. I'm glad you have a supportive husband! There are many good books on dying. I've read a lot, because I had a near death experience 50 years ago and now have an unusual NET in my breast. I've listed what I like below. I have a feeling that it might help for you to focus on yourself as a person and not just a patient (difficult, I know) and investigate life and death as you understand them. Have you thought about keeping a journal? You probably have strong values and experiences that might provide solace. I keep a short gratitude journal, and just a one-liner every day to catch my inner/outer worlds. Here goes suggestions--these books come out of spiritual traditions but don't have any dogma. Obviously skip what doesn't speak to you!

When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner (This isn't about death but more about loss. I found it helpful).

Who Dies by Stephen Levine
And
A Year to Live by Stephen Levine (This gives you practices to address death. I went slow with it as to not provoke anxiety).

Ram Dass
Love Serve Remember Foundation
This is on-line--you did mention "old hippie" and he has a very kind-hearted approach.