had my first appt

ok i know this is gonna sound weird to yall but i don't feel normal sitting and doing nothing...i've been way too active for too many people for too many years to be content "resting" and doing nothing and tbh i'm starting to wonder if i wouldn't be better off pushing myself to drop dead exhaustion. Its almost like if i'm busy doing things i don't have time to think about what is happening esp this metallic taste that is literally driving me bonkers...i've never been a "hard candy" person and honestly food is anything but appealing atm i'll eat 3 or 4 or 5 bites of anything and i'm done...anything more and i feel like i want to throw it back up.....and i'm wondering if that is because all of a sudden my caloric burning has dropped to about nothing...i've been forcing myself to eat a couple bites of something every hour or two even if its only a few berries..no i don't have massive amts of energy and that trip i took yesterday wore me out and i STILL struggled going to sleep which is not normal either...even my vet friends swear i could drop to sleep with the best of the them at the drop of a hat and have been asked if i was sure i was never in the infantry... but i noticed yesterday while i was busy doing things outdoors and so forth it distracted me and computer and phone games just don't work the same way for distractions, nor does crocheting or latchhooking or whatever... surely i'm not the only person out there that feels this way....am i?

@mommacandy
Gynosaur weighing in to express my own annoyance with partners whose "sympathetic pregnancy, cancer, chemo, etc, symptoms" seem to overshadow the actual patient's symptoms and suffering. What a way to express support! We can (only gently) joke about this at our house when I am healthy (and therefore my partner is at peak health and sense of humor!). I once offered to ask my surgeon if he had time available in his schedule to squeeze my husband in for a radical hysterectomy before he got to me, since my husband's symptoms seemed worse than mine. (He complained of exhaustion and low back pain when I had been in labor for 20 hours, too...as if I was lounging on the couch, watching re-runs and eating bonbons!). I don't recommend irony as a rule, but found, in that case, that a "pointed remark" was all that I could manage (and did get a message across, although some repair was called for afterward).

I have read that couples develop unconscious, unspoken contracts, such as, "I help you feel good about yourself by letting you take care of me," or, "having physical pain or injury is the only acceptable reason for asking for care," or, "you reach outward for support and I get all of mine from you, so you can't be sick," or, "we don't talk about ______." It is times like these when those contracts become more apparent and MIGHT be ripe for conscious, explicit re-negotiation. It seems to me that my cancer has "provided opportunities" for me to learn how to ask (in direct ways and until I am heard) and to compassionately and generously (to myself) allow myself to receive from others. My husband (and our relationship) has grown a lot in the context of my cancer diagnosis, surgery and ongoing recovery/surveillance.

I truly hope your husband gets himself together (maybe he needs to seek emotional support for himself from others for a minute or two...) and becomes able to support you in all the ways you deserve! This is a pattern that does not help you and you deserve warm, kind, responsive help from as many around you as possible, starting with him!

Wishing you through this...

Going through chemo for the second time, I have found work to be a great distraction. I surprise myself going to work, then at the end of the day, thinking to myself, “Wow! I haven’t thought about cancer or chemo or cardboard food all day !” For some people, throwing yourself into something or someone else can be therapeutic.

Thank you for that info. I haven’t had cancer treatment, but have taste/smell disorder with a metallic/bitter taste since Sept 2023 (post covid syndrome), I’ve been searching for help. ENT and neurologist haven’t been very helpful.

I’m so sorry about the horrible taste. I hope that goes away on its own very soon, or that you eventually become able to ignore it a bit.

And, action is distraction is safety from overwhelm! My thought is that whatever keeps you moving comfortably has value. If you were recovering from the surgery that was proposed earlier, you might want to sit a minute to allow your parts time to re-knit themselves. Tears might flow at that point, but are not going to continue indefinitely, and might bring some relief if you can allow it to happen.
I couldn’t sleep after my diagnosis and before my surgery. I couldn’t focus much on anything other than what was rushing at me, either. Work helped a lot then. Having a reassuring poem or prayer or mantra to repeat gave my brain a bone to gnaw on until exhaustion finally won in the wee hours.

Keeping you in my most active thoughts, @mommacandy

Thank you for posting this.

I have recently felt I'm in a 'competition' for who is suffering (or has suffered, even if it was 20+ years ago) from a major condition / pain / etc.

I "called" my partner/fiance on this just the other day - easier to do while out to eat (i.e., in public setting), and said - 'this is not a competition'.

[I recently had a VIN II/III (vulvar intraepithelial neoplasia) diagnosis and then laser ablation of my entire vulval area, and more to come. In other discussion areas here I've gone into some of the excruciating pain I've been enduring since then - to put it explicitly: urine is not kind to raw flesh - and I never know if the next bathroom visit might be excruciating or, if I might just < 10% of the time - get a "pass" on the pain.]

In one of the few times I've mentioned it to an acquaintance since this surgery, I referred to it as "female-related surgery". My partner pipes in that he has "male-related concerns" too. When I shortly thereafter asked him what these "male-related issues" are/were, he referred to his last year's pancreatitis attack. "WHAT???...that is NOT a male-related issue..." (And I WAS there with him at the hospital, advocating for him when he (usually) doesn't speak up for himself, etc etc., which is what I would hope and want any loving partner/friend/family member to do for me in any such situation. And, I am continuously watching out for his diet, his medical stats, doctor visits, questioning bills, etc.)

Even writing this down here it seems ludicrous - with all due respect to my sweetheart - but we've got to get this straight: I am currently facing (literally) "crying-out" pain at each bathroom visit, I haven't found anything that will calm the pain except good old Vaseline, AND, to the point...this is NOT about him!

He nodded he understood, but I know that tension is not over.

I'll leave it at that for now, but I think you understand what the struggle is...

I'm writing this with a loving smile, as I appreciate what we have, I just find I am the more 'articulate' one when it comes to addressing things - whether I'm trying to recover from surgery or not! - and so it adds up even more when you're the one in pain or even "just" discomfort, not knowing how you'll make it through the next bathroom "journey"!

Our medical Journey" has ramped up in the past 6 months, and there's probably more to come, so we need to be present for each other at the time of their need, and watch out for the other, equally, not in any way that's measurable, but in a way that recognizes their current experience, concerns, even fears, and hopefully we'll get better at this as we go along.

Hugs to all who've 'been there'.... 😉

I'm so sorry you are going through so much. Understatement.
Re metallic taste. Some of it will still be there. But I found a way to help with meals using plastic utensils. Cuts way down on added metallic taste from fork or spoon. Or now, we can get wooden or hemp cutlery. I also ate what I could - eg packaged mac and cheese (in Canada M&M) - shepherd's pie. Just have to be nuked. Not as nourishing maybe as homemade - but very good, goes down easily, tasty, and given the amount of drinking water and juice needed to flush out chemo, my body needed salt ... so a little extra salt in prepared food isn't a bed thing if it gets us eating.