@mommacandy You came to right place to vent as we all understand how it feels to be diagnosed with cancer, the surgery, the treatments. While I am certainly grateful for the wonderful care I received from my cancer care team I did not want to hear about anyone else's woes or their whining while I was being treated or recovering. It's very possible that your husband doesn't view his whining as complaints. Maybe he believes he's just sharing? You know better than me but when you are the rock and the fixer for everyone else sometimes they just can't get it that you are the one who needs support. I call this "pulling out the cancer card". As in "I can't do that because I'm nauseated from my chemotherapy" or "I don't have the energy to get up and do that because, you know, I have cancer".

I had a conversation with a friend today who was diagnosed with bile duct cancer (cholangiocarcinoma) the same year I was was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. He said he would have been dead had he not had the expert care he received and ultimately a liver transplant. He said he rarely talks about any of this because other than his wife who would he talk to? The listener can express their compassion and empathy but the experience of cancer diagnosis, surgeries, treatments and in his case a transplant is outside the experience of many others. So, we have to ask for what we need and sometimes we have to do that more than once. Or say "no" when we can't do something.

Maybe I'm just blathering on here but I hope that your husband will get it that you are not used to being a person who "rests and does nothing" however for now that is what you need to do.