Thoughts on how chronic pain impacts empathy and compassion

Absolutely. Allowing oneself to feel is important, and necessary for health. Cannot bottle up. Expressing pain, frustration, anger, whatever feelings had is important to do emotionally.

To deny feelings is to bottle up stress and unhealthy in the face of such hardship.

A shoulder to lean on…to share. Both things can be accomplished; to be both compassionate and kind as well as the frustration and anger at the situation…

Love takes over inevitably. Compassion to know she suffers as well and shoulders such hardship rather than acting out. Where he may not show compassion, you are heard and appreciated.

Personally suffering, knowing it is a cross carried acceptance is key. In the face of succumbing to the indifference, that she may face without carrying resentments that can erode heart and soul.

Embracing the impossible - feeling feelings conforming and doing what is necessary may be under appreciated but her heart is in the right place as the body is not cooperating to not let the soul erode.

What choice do we have?

When we do what we do sacrificing from love it is a little easier to swallow an impossible hardship.

Anger and resentments - feeling them and doing what is needed - to do the impossible, and let it go.

Move on to the next knowing that very difficult near impossible situations occur. Allow oneself to have choice. Feeling backed into a corner where there is seemingly no choice is not empowering.

Accepting a situation and offering particularly devastating hardships embracing the self sacrifice out of love can help diminish such difficulty in the face of such traumatic recurring loss, hardship, self sacrifice.

What choices present? It is not the “or” of the matter. It is accepting ‘both’ finding a way to do so within our hearts and minds can be a means to an end.

What is done may seem thankless. To see it as temporary. It is not forever. Finding another way of looking at a situation may help ease the transitions.

We must somehow learn to live with ourselves to face another day of the same. That is reality.

I lost my father to the disease.

I replied above.

💜

Being grateful that she can still do it despite the pain is one thing to consider when in such a difficult scenario. Not an easy task, but, if possible, keeping the gratefulness uppermost may ease some of the resentment.

I have finally accepted the fibromyalgia diagnosis, and I find that acceptance is part of the journey. I have noticed that having pain, has caused me to listen to others with empathy. I would never choose this, but I do recognize that it has made me a better, kinder, person.

My wife is 9 months post-back surgery - she had 3 vertebrae fused - and is still recovering. She's actually more active than I, but has been cautioned to stop overdoing things.

I have chronic/constant pain in the lower back, arthritic spurs in both shoulders and a hip that is awaiting replacement. I can't walk without pain. Also cannot take NSAIDs for pain relief.

Yet I do the house cleaning, take our dogs out/clean up messes, all of the kitchen cleanup and do the breakfast and lunch cooking. The only person that is allowed to hurt in our house is her. I have to suck it up and do whatever regardless of my pain.

So, how do I handle this? I remind myself that I'm serving more than my wife - I'm also serving God. It's part of being a husband where men are supposed to love their wives like Christ loves the church - self-sacrifice. One accepts the pain knowing that my reward may not be here on earth, but in the afterlife. That helps with the attitude.

Going off in another direction...
I have also invested in tools that are less painful to use. Example is a cordless Dyson stick vacuum - it's much easier to move about than a traditional vacuum. Also, an O'Cedar spin mop instead of a squeeze mop or a twist mop. Also a Libman dustpan with long handle with broom to minimize bending. I also have a "reacher". This is not a commercial, just useful stuff I've found that works well if you have a painful lower back.

i'm sorry that you are not allowed to suffer. marriage is a 50/50 deal. granted she's in pain but so are you. everyone has different types of pain. she is negateing your pain. maybe it might not be as severe as hers. nobody knows her pain but her. but to treat yours as less than hers is wrong. i hope it gets better for the both of you. d

Thanks for your comment, Danny.

Well said.

True observations. As a physical therapist told me years ago, "If you have a broken arm or leg, people can see the cast and will empathize with you. But when you have chronic pain, they cannot not see it and "begin to think it is all in your head." I went through this for some years with doctors who did not believe there was anything wrong with me. Ended up, after loads of tests, X-rays, a couple of MRIs, that the doctors discovered that I had Polymyalgia Rheumatica which is rare for an afro-american. It originally was diagnosed among European female Caucasians. Unfortunately, I suffered needlessly. As soon as I was diagnosed and treated correctly, I began to heal, had less pain and my overall moods changed. It is so easy to assume that "pain is all in a person's head." In the meantime the person suffers not only with the pain, but the agony of trying to get people (and doctors) to understand the torture that they live with on a daily basis. Let's have more empathy for those who suffer with chronic pain. I hope this helps someone out there that needs more understanding of what they are going through.

so true.