Tired of living

Posted by thisismarilynb @thisismarilynb, Apr 17, 2023

When I wake up each morning I am not grateful. For me life is not worth living. I had a miserable childhood and was traumatized by an abusive mother. I finally left home and went far away by myself to try and make a life. To a degree I was successful. I was fortunate to meet a wonderful man and we were married for 59 years before his death. Even so I have never been able to make friends or be comfortable in meeting people. I shrink from going into crowds. Now I am alone. I am 88 years old and am sick and tired of living. The only sure thing I know is that I will not do away with myself.

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rashida | @rashida | Aug 21, 2023

In reply to @lu91 "Here it is mid August and I would hope by now you are feeling better and..." + (show)

@lu91

Here it is mid August and I would hope by now you are feeling better and had some therapy. I'm 92 years old and lost my husband of 65 years just 51/2 years ago. When my feet hit the floor in the morning I say "thank you God for giving me another day". Then I say "what day IS it anyway?" and "What am I going to forget to do today?" I wobble in to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee and a biscotti to eat with my pills. I read the WSJ and all the tragedy, suffering, loss and pain in the world and realize with all my aches and pains how good I have it. Shortly after my husband died my son called and said he didn't want me to grow old in that big house where the 55 and over community was getting too far over 55, dying, leaving to be close to their kids or going to Independent Livng facilities. I was in California and he and his family live in Georgia. I took him up on it, sold the house, said a sad farewell to the graves of my mom and husband. Mom was married 5 times so I have no idea where the graves my 5 other dads are but who cares? and took the next flight out, which was 7 months later. We found a great Independent Living facility just 2 miles from them. What a wonderful, though hesitant, decision I made to live in an apartment after years as a homemaker. I have a lovely 2 bedroom apartment, made lots of friends, have my own things around me. I can join in the activities or stay in my apartment to read or do what I want. I don't have to cook my meals, clean my apartment or do the linen laundry. We go on outings and live a life that suits us. Friends are there when you want or need them. There's knitting, card playing, game playing and a purpose to your life. God gave you this marvelous life to enjoy and inspire others. Have you ever volunteered to help at organizations that are helping families and children in need? Put your childhood behind you and help some child not live that life.
So get on with your life, smell the roses, help those who need your skills or advice, take another look at Independent living ,if you can afford it, and then thank the good Lord for each breath you take. Live in the present and don't worry about not being able to take care of yourself or being a burden to others. They say when you die the angels will come down to take you to heaven. I will probably get an old angel with half his feathers gone who says,"Come on, Lu, get your bones out of bed we're going to meet Jesus." Gotta have a sense of humor!

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@lu91 - love your ‘tude! ❤️ 😄

tersew7 | @tersew7 | Feb 22 6:22pm

I am 71 and I had a terrible
childhood. I did not have a good marriage. I have 3 children. One of my daughters has bone cancer which came from metalized breast cancer. This daughter has a daughter with autism and mental health issues. I am the only one she has for help so this takes up most of my time. I have no friends. I am a Christian and I pray continually and I have faith that God heals but today has been harder than usual due to more problems. I saw this site when I typed in the search line..I am so tired of living.
I know I have to keep going for those that need me. It's good to let this out even if no one reads it.

mimisayhi | @mimisayhi | Feb 22 6:37pm

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

I read it! And it helps to talk about it. I had a section of colon out Monday -and resected- and in hospital I had emotional breakdown (can be pretty normal after major surgery) and sat and talked it out with my nurse. It helps! The internet provides us with more social and emotional resources than we could use! Important to share how you feel! you Re not alone!

mimisayhi | @mimisayhi | Feb 22 6:43pm

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

everything is so easy to "say" but so hard to "do"! I have had a rough life ...and a whole Heck of a lot of heartaches and violence-raise 3 girls alone- infact I just had surgery for cancer monday. The only thing that has turned me around is Gratitude! There must be some good life experiences and blessings in your life-are u in pain!? if not-be grateful, because So many of us are. ! The list goes on and on. Try to be grateful, it will turn your life around! FIND things in your life to be grateful for ! It helps.

thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Feb 22 7:37pm

In reply to @mimisayhi "everything is so easy to "say" but so hard to "do"! I have had a rough..." + (show)

And I thought I had a bad life. I am so sorry for what you went through. But I can see that you are tough and that is good. I finally broke away from my miserable mother by just leaving. I went far away and made a life for myself. We have to be tough. It's the only way. I hope that your surgery was successful and that your treatments will put you in remission. I am grateful to find people like you. Thank you.

thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Feb 22 7:43pm

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

I read it. And I am crying for you. I did have a good marriage. The only reason my husband died was because he was stubborn. He fell twice going to the bathroom during the night. I got a walker and begged him to use it at night. No, he said, I can do it myself. Well he sure did. Fell a third time and broke his femur. He was dead in three months. Lot of anger still. So here I am alone and angry. I am also tired of living but I am relatively healthy and can live by myself and take care of myself. So who knows how much longer. I applaud you and what you are doing.

weatherornot | @weatherornot | Feb 23 6:26am

Dear Justwanttotalk,
You are loved. Know this. Be still.
Out of the believer's ❤ ,
Weatherornot

casey1329 | @casey1329 | Feb 23 5:41pm

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

Hi tersew7, so sorry that you are going through all this. Wish I could say some magic words to make you feel better. All I know is that your faith in God is wonderful and I hope that it will give you strength to get through your struggles. In the meantime do something nice for yourself. Buy some cupcakes or ice cream and sit in front of the TV and watch something that you like and just for a few minutes enjoy ...good luck !

mikekennedy759 | @mikekennedy759 | Feb 26 10:35am

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

I read your post as well. I am sorry for all that you are going through. I admire your faith in keeping you strong during these tough times.

My mother was very much like you, she passed away about a year ago at 93...she was a woman of strength and did so much for me and my brothers. She had a tough marriage and moved from a upper class family in another country to a working class household here without compliant. She also went through so much. So I can imagine how you must feel.

@casey1329 had a great idea about treating yourself. Even for a little bit.

Feel free to come here and express yourself. Someone will be listening.

Nemo1 | @nemo1 | Feb 26 8:13pm

In reply to @tersew7 "I am 71 and I had a terrible childhood. I did not have a good marriage...." + (show)

You are heard. I’m sorry for your sorrows and pain. I read your post and will say a prayer for you.

Sometimes it feels like God has closed his eyes then faith is renewed and restored.

The one thing I know, is Jesus has been my fried my entire life. One that never leaves. I have a picture framed of Him at Gethsemane - the agony in the garden.
The daily reminder is his suffering was the worst of any pain. Knowing he did that for me I can accept my crosses for him so he can use that sacrifice - the pain and suffering to help another soul in need. I will offer my discomfort today for you so the supernatural can be reminded (though He knows everything)of your suffering and to hope he offers you relief in some way, some unexpected way.

God bless you and this community.

Ps…I just read the thread. I’m putting you in my daily offerings.

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