Connect
← Return to Thoughts on how chronic pain impacts empathy and compassion
Discussion
Thoughts on how chronic pain impacts empathy and compassion
Chronic Pain | Last Active: Feb 23 6:07pm | Replies (20)Comment receiving replies
Being positive, empathetic and compassionate is sometimes easier said than done when you are suffering from chronic pain. We are human after all.
Consider the following sceenerio:
Husband with dementia spills coffee all over the floor. Stands there and doesn't know what to do.
Wife suffering from chronic lower back and sciatica pain and has trouble bending or getting down realizes she has to be the one to do the cleanup with pain and discomfort. And she does it dutifully.
How should wife feel ? Can she remain compassionate and kind or can she allow herself to feel somewhat angry and resentful for being put in such a situation?
Replies to "Being positive, empathetic and compassionate is sometimes easier said than done when you are suffering from..."
I replied above.
💜
Being grateful that she can still do it despite the pain is one thing to consider when in such a difficult scenario. Not an easy task, but, if possible, keeping the gratefulness uppermost may ease some of the resentment.
My wife is 9 months post-back surgery - she had 3 vertebrae fused - and is still recovering. She's actually more active than I, but has been cautioned to stop overdoing things.
I have chronic/constant pain in the lower back, arthritic spurs in both shoulders and a hip that is awaiting replacement. I can't walk without pain. Also cannot take NSAIDs for pain relief.
Yet I do the house cleaning, take our dogs out/clean up messes, all of the kitchen cleanup and do the breakfast and lunch cooking. The only person that is allowed to hurt in our house is her. I have to suck it up and do whatever regardless of my pain.
So, how do I handle this? I remind myself that I'm serving more than my wife - I'm also serving God. It's part of being a husband where men are supposed to love their wives like Christ loves the church - self-sacrifice. One accepts the pain knowing that my reward may not be here on earth, but in the afterlife. That helps with the attitude.
Going off in another direction...
I have also invested in tools that are less painful to use. Example is a cordless Dyson stick vacuum - it's much easier to move about than a traditional vacuum. Also, an O'Cedar spin mop instead of a squeeze mop or a twist mop. Also a Libman dustpan with long handle with broom to minimize bending. I also have a "reacher". This is not a commercial, just useful stuff I've found that works well if you have a painful lower back.
Connect
I agree, compassion and empathy are definitely easier said than done, especially when pain is involved. The situation you describe sounds incredibly difficult. I would imagine that, for me at least, those emotions you mentioned would all be appropriate in that moment. The wife you mention is only human and is no doubt doing the best she can in a very tough situation. Perhaps a little forgiveness may be in order for her.