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I'm Tired and Don't Want To Go On

Mental Health | Last Active: Mar 11 3:59pm | Replies (89)
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@dfb

In response to your first question; I am not well. I am profoundly depressed and am in a very dark place. My provider has restarted me on Venlafaxine believing, correctly, that I stopped it too fast.

I know have anxiety the likes of which I have never had before. I’ve not left my house for days. I usually keep a strict schedule but I’ve been frozen with fear. Supposedly the anxiety will go away as my body readjusted to the meds.

I am tired of the fight to be well and all of the ineffective treatments and side effects. I realized that I am not living for anything. I am living only to avoid suffering. That leads to the inevitable thoughts of ending my life.

Nietzsche wrote “a man with a why can stand any how”. I no longer have a why and the how is becoming intolerable.

I hate being so negative and I hope that my darkness does not effect anyone else. I am at the end of my rope. I will limit my post until I pull out of this so as to not be a negative influence.

I wish everyone peace and good health.

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Replies to "In response to your first question; I am not well. I am profoundly depressed and am..."
brandysparks | @brandysparks | Feb 19 4:41pm

I am sorry to hear of your continued struggle.

Although you didn't ask, I would encourage you to continue posting & reading the support here. Being unconnected / isolating - I've been counselled - is not helpful when feeling as you describe, and which many of us can relate to.
Thinking of you.

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brandysparks | @brandysparks | Feb 19 4:45pm

Also, do you have a counselor/ therapist/friend to be with, vent with?

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Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 23 4:47pm

It's easy to feel guilty for being negative, @dfb I've learned from personal experience that you can't just snap out of it, any more than anyone can just snap out of major depression or anxiety or PTSD.... It's one of the dumber things people say to someone who's going through a dark place. I spent more than 6 years in a deep dark hole, and it's not something I'm likely to forget.

I've been reading posts here for several years, and I've never heard anyone say that someone's a bad person for being negative. If it were a punishable offense, I'd have been booted out of Connect long ago. Life happens to all of us (some people say their life has always been wonderful - they're lying!).

I'm not going to tell you anything like thinking positive thoughts because you probably aren't at a place to practice such things. All I can say is 1) keep going and 2) don't worry about being negative. Some of us are very much like you.

I hope you've found it helpful to write to us. Don't worry about us being affected.

Jim

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