@sharon35981 Hi Sharon, Your post resonated with me. . . "I grieve for my life the way it was before BC." I am almost 4 years cancer-free, and once-in-a-while, I still find myself aching a bit on the inside with those thoughts. . . though, it's not so much grieving, but a deep ache when I give my mind license to think on it. Sometimes, it has been helpful to give myself that time, ache for a bit, and then, move on. Other times, I have just told my heart, "Not now", and continue on. I think it's important to do both. In reality, our lives are never the same from day to day. . . we've lived the day we're presently in, and changes are happening all the time. I think having BC just brings that into view in a very real way. We are forced to see the changes, not glossing over them and moving on quickly to the next thing.

In that regard, in the not "glossing over", I've learned to be more perceptive - of emotions, of others, of myself, of my purpose, how I spend my time, and so on. It doesn't mean I never waste a day anymore (drat! that human nature still plagues us all), but I count my days differently, I think, than I did before. So, in that light, there have been good things that were born out of my BC, yet, there are still residuals. Sometimes just a good "sigh" is what's needed for those residuals (those things I can do nothing about). and helps me keep moving forward.

Before BC, we wonder if we'll ever get the disease. After BC, we wonder if it will come back. I'm trying to tell myself to live in the day, and refrain so much from thinking about the what-ifs. Doing so takes away from my today. God tells us in His Word, "So, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). So very hard to do, but surely, a healthier way to live in body, mind, and spirit.

Life is such a balance. And BC interrupts that balance a lot. Finding a new balance, takes time. And you will get it. :). PS. Love the image you shared