I'm so sorry to read about what you're going through but do your best to be optimistic. Most of us on this forum seem to live with cancer rather than die from it. All I can say about bags is that, luckily, I didn't need one (nice surprise when waking up after the op) but a friend who needed one 18 months ago now regularly runs half marathons, and his bag doesn't hold 5 gallons or smell.
Best of luck.

When I heard of my new polyp and of the complex major surgery I needed to fix my very low fistula and to get rid of the very low polyp, I was very, very angry and anxious. I started psychotherapy and it was game changer in my outlook on my situation, as well as in my relationship with my husband and children, who had been taking the grunt of my anger and anxiety. I also took up meditation. Would that be an option for you, to work through your toxic feelings?

I find praying helps a great deal. I am sorry you don’t. Without God I would not be so positive or joyful despite my circumstances. Everyone has a time to live and a time to die as it is written in the stars. Knowing approximately when is almost comforting knowing you can say goodbye and get your ducks in a row. Of course I am hoping for a miracle, knowing the odds are not in my favor :). I pray for you to have comfort in your situation whatever it is.