@ auntieaokley. I found myself wandering over the posts again with this topic. This is such an up-and-down business of dealing with the aftermath of breast cancer. I get to a place where I am so engaged with life, that the emotional leftovers are tucked away for the time being, yet truly not going away. I didn't notice, or perhaps it didn't sink in enough the first time I read your reply here, "I am 20 years from my original diagnosis and I can't say I have every really just moved past it. . " It's like these leftovers almost threaten to chip away at the progress we can make (emotionally) after breast cancer.

I was finding myself more easily hurt and/or irritated by things others would say (or not say), and recognizing that subtle depressed mood underneath, so I took inventory again. On the outside, I still look normal to others (I am so highly functional with life). But on the inside - things still remain a different story. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I had had a stretch of medical challenges that had gone on for a number of years prior. A couple major accidents, one leaving me with a surgery and a lot of recovery time. . . a 6-month illness . . . and then I rolled into breast cancer, followed by endometrial cancer. Though I'm approaching my 4-year cancer-free appt, things have felt relentless for almost ten years. So, it's normal to feel so tired underneath it all! But I don't like this emotional limping I'm still doing. The limping has been noticeably affecting my physical being (disrupted sleep, lower energy, lack of regular exercise, weight gain [and isn't that a guilt and shame factor for a cancer survivor], irritability). One morning, I told myself that I needed to address this more fully.

I made the call to start seeing a psychologist for regular therapy. Though I find these sessions to be hard work (having to bring-to-the-front these pieces of emotional aftermath), the asking myself to talk about how I feel about everything has been good for me. I'm in a safe space with a professional who is genuinely trying to help me process what's leftover, and work to move through this stage of the breast cancer journey - into a life that is not just appears productive, wonderful, and fulfilling, but one that IS all that on the inside. It surely is a process of learning.

Thanks, Chris, for reminding me (and us all) that this is an ongoing thing - that we can continue to move forward in healthy ways as we live our new normal. One foot in front of the other. :).