When I reached the point of accepting AL admission for my husband, his doctor, who he very much trusted, said to tell him that “ Dr. ___ says you need more support for now”- emphasis on “for now”- its true and leaves the door open that maybe not forever (although we all know the dementia will get worse and the need for support grow). My husband accepted this, repeated by me as needed, and would tell other people this.
When it’s time to make the move, ask someone to take him for a drive, go to a drive-through (Dairy Queen, Dunkin Donuts,etc) so no need to get out of the car, keep driving, while waiting for your text to come to the facility. Meanwhile, you and a helper (the guy who cuts our grass helped me) move familiar items, clothes, etc and set up the room. Then meet them at the facility. The staff will be ready to greet him, they’ll make a nice fuss, you can be there as a familiar person, wait for the next meal and accompany him to the table, greeting his table mates, and then quietly exit as they will engage him. Don’t wait for a one on one exit, as for him it’ll be like being left as a kid, at the schoolhouse door. The facility suggested I visit twice weekly for an hour or so, which has worked out great- it’s helped him tremendously to adjust.
Be prepared to be surprised at how he will soon enjoy the opportunities for socialization- my husband attends no activities, but he loves the “teasing” interactions with the young female staff. He’s part of a “guy group” now- 4 guys- three with dementia, one with a stroke who leads the group- they gather and laugh and laugh. He’s identified two other Navy guys by their ball caps and finds his way to them in the large living room. I almost felt like crying when I realized how isolated he was at home with just me.
When choosing a place, I was told not to look for chandeliers, but for a “nice” vibe. We live in a rural area and most of the staff are country girls, who call him “Pap”, he loves it.

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