I was on 450mg of Venlafaxine, 450mg of bupropion, 900mg of lithium, 150 of Seroquel, 20mg of Latuda, and 3mg of lorazepam and I was still profoundly depressed. My doctors had tried ECT and Ketimine, but nothing worked. I decided to change my diet and begin exercising. I started titrating meds. Seroqua and Lorazepam were the first to go as I realized they added to my depression. I felt better immediately

Next up were Venlafaxine, Lithium, and Bupropion. The focus was on Venlafaxine because of all its side effects. Once I finished with the Venlafaxine I was still on 150mg of Bupropion and 300 of Lithium. It took about thirty days for everything to go to hell. Before stopping the Venlafaxine I was feeling the best I had in two decades.

They now have me back on 600mg of Lithium, which I think is adding to my depression. 20mg of Buspirone, for newfound anxiety, though they're taking me off of it now that we've restarted the Venlafaxine at 150mg. I'm also still taking 150mg of Bupropion and .5mg of Lorazepam as needed, no more than twice a day.

I am suicidally depressed. I still don't sleep (they've stopped trying to address that) and I now have crippling anxiety. They don't really, know what to do and neither do I. I feel hopeless and just want to end my life. The only thing that stops me is I do not have access to a quick and certain means to do so.

I had two good months out of fifteen years and am not hopeful that I can get back there.

I'm sorry to be so negative. I've been dealing with whatever is going on with me for a long time. I've wanted my life to end for a long time. I am tired of fighting for something I don't even want.

Thanks for listening.

I wish everyone peace and good health.