Hi Xpax!
I'm sure you are a good person or you wouldn't be quoting the Bible and reaching out to the Mayo Forum for help! You are intelligent also because the Mayo Forum has nice people who care and can help you get through the bad situation you are in. God knows what is happening in your life. As I stated before, just talk to him and he will help. I don't think your faith has diminished. It's just that sometimes life can get to be too much for us to handle!

My husband has lung cancer and I know how hard things can get! But praying and believing in God helps immensely. We read the Bible everyday. You might try that. (If you do start reading the Bible, the word "Kine" is an old word which means cows.) Besides being the word of God, the Bible is really quite interesting in a historical way. Did you know that the Philistines put real gold necklaces on their camels? I found that rather interesting and expensive!

Do you have to go to your social group? It seems uncomfortable for you now. You write well. Maybe communicating with people that way would be easier for you such as you are doing with this forum.

I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.
PML

xpax... have you asked your doctor for a depression and/or anxiety medication that could help you? Sometimes that is what we need to feel better and get better... .. Hugs to you.... keep fighting...and praying...