@cosette2024

Hi there. I have experienced (and still experiencing) something similar to you. I'm 55 and came closer than I want to admit to missing out on the rest of my life. It's been a journey the last couple of years. I learned a lot about myself and now trying to figure out what I want to do with the time I have left in this life.

I developed a frantic fear of death or more closely, a fear I am running out of time. I am pretty healthy right now. I can probably go another 25 years or more. Like you, I think about where I will be in 10 years, will I be able to get up in the morning and do whatever I would like to do that day? The fear of missing out. It is scary.

Interestingly, I have been in places where there are a lot of people who are much older than I am. One group I meet with at 5:00 a.m. at the local YMCA. Many of them are retirees. The fact they are up in the morning and exercising everyday...looking forward to traveling or other activities gives me some inspiration. I also cardio hike with a woman named Angela who is several years older than I am. She is a force of nature. I so hope to be like her when I grow up.

I do not feel my age. I sometimes get reminded I can live in a senior community, get AARP membership, etc. I think it is a question of outlook.

Like you I am physically active and do many other activities. However, what is your purpose in life? This is a tough question, something I have been struggling with for a couple of years. I was once asked this question by a counselor, and I did not have an answer. I wrote about this in a different post, where I talked about the need for love. My desire to love, be loved, and be in an emotionally safe harbor. But to do that in a meaningful way, I have to love myself first. Warts and all (I do not have any warts, just an expression). I have/am going through a bout with depression and survivor's guilt and those conditions took away my feeling of love away from me. I found it easier to love others and not love myself. It is an unhealthy way to live. This revelation has helped me think more about what I want out of life. It has been a challenge to say the least.

So, my feeling is you have to love your 58-year-old self for who you are. You have to find your purpose going forward and it will give you energy and inspiration. You sound like an amazing and thoughtful person. I think you still have more to offer this world.