Thank you so much for sharing such honest emotions. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully, your therapists are good and will help you with all you're experiencing. I don't know how this will work, but if you would like to stay in touch more privately than here, I'd be happy to share my email with you. Just let me know .....

Nodine4: I don't think you're alone in feeling the way you do ... a lot depends on our circumstances. Some "older" people have more resources, e.g. an escape hatch from wintery weather in northern climes, a life partner to share it all with, lovely kids who never forget to call(!), overall good health (for our age...), good role models, jolly genes, etc. Personally, I do feel pretty upbeat many days, and grateful for what I do have ...but it varies with the changing scene...(NYTimes daily, PBS Newshour... ugh...) so I try to keep that minimal. Therapists can only do so much to help us reframe with CBT, empathic talk therapy, "prescriptions" for exercise, (and/or antidepressants), meditation, communing with nature if possible and with other people too... but can't really change the circumstances in which we live, just help us with our attitude toward them, and lend strength while we do it. Also, since most of them are younger than most of us, they often have a rosier belief system about old age .. just wait 'til they get here! For me, it's easier to be equanimous when I can accept that sometimes moods will darken (and it's normal) ... in spite of our best efforts. I'm old too, and diagnosed with Long Covid, so some days are harder than others, but as Elaine Stritch sang "I'm Still Here!" ... until she died, of course...
Good luck to you; I find these discussions helpful and supportive and hope you do too.

You are not alone. For me it is a lot to take in and try to deal with as I face the physical, emotional, functional and social changes. I have had lots of experience with loss and was also was a hospice social worker. Doesn't mean that I am taking in stride. I have my own struggles. Do you have friends with whom you can meet and discuss aging and dying.

I have engaged in professional therapy several times in my life. I had to discover that I refused to face an early childhood trauma. Once I did, my life slowly began to turn. I'm not at all suggesting that is your problem. I'm in my late 70's. Since 2000 my life has been full of medical issues. Parathyroid disease, osteoporosis, Breast cancer, a renal aneurysm, and now something going on with my liver (I see a specialist later this month.) I cannot even count the numerous tests and surgeries!
I'm not a particularly brave or courageous person, yet I am happy much of the time. I have a young grandson (8) whom I spend time with and makes me laugh. I work hard at being social and busy. I voluneer to help others and exercise daily.
I don't know what I would be feeling if I didn't have so many good things in my life. I've worked hard to find the good and encourage myself to keep seeking out more. I hope that your therapy will help you discover your joys and embrace them.