It took me maybe a year to go from contentment to deep depression. I was falling in slow motion into a dark hole (or tunnel, as @stellasmama described it. On the way down I became suicidal, and made several attempts, each time angry that I couldn't even get that right.

I admitted myself to a nearby facility where I learned some coping skills, but it took me 6+ years to get out of the hole, and another year to move away from the edge. Those were really rough years, not only for me but for my family, as well. Talking weekly with a therapist, finding the right medications, my faith in God, my service dog and my family have all contributed to where I am today. I spend less time in bed, certainly, and the major depression is managed, I don't think about suicide every hour or every day. Life hasn't gotten easier, and I still face challenges - chronic neuropathy pain, living on Social Security, overwhelmed by the yardwork, and the list goes on - but on better days I can still function, something that I couldn't do for so long.

I have to remind myself that I can only do as much as my present situation permits, and not feel so guilty about what I haven't done. My current challenge is being unable to put any weight on my feet. I took Levaquin, an antibiotic, after surgery in December, and it degraded the tissue in my Achilles tendons, causing both of them to rupture. I hope that they will heal, but no one knows what to expect. It's affected my level of depression, for sure, and not for the better. My wife is fairly disabled, and it's put a lot of work and stress on her, taking care of me.

I'm sure that if I had been in my current position 15 years ago, I would have jumped back in the hole, awful as it was, and if I managed to stay alive, I'd be in bed with the covers over my head, needing a shower, not eating, isolating. So, you're far from alone. We relate to how you feel, and are willing you to find whatever it requires to get moving again. Be at peace today.

Jim