1. < Just Want to Talk

Optimism Versus Pessimism

Posted by Scott R L @scottrl, Jan 10 10:13pm

As you know, people can have a positive or a negative outlook. This is more than just a trite observation; it can affect every aspect of life.

Let me give you an example.

I recently gave a talk at Texas Christian University (TCU) about my stroke recovery. At the end, they gave me a gift bag with some TCU logo stuff, including an umbrella.

Here's how the optimist sees that.

"Wow, how thoughtful! I wasn't expecting anything, and here they gave me some great stuff. Two Papermate Inkjoy gel pens (my favorite!), with TCU-purple ink! An umbrella, too!"

The pessimist says:

"What is this, some kind of cruel joke? I can only use one hand, and I need that to hold my cane! What am I supposed to do with a stupid umbrella? What an insensitive insult! I am so offended!"

See what I mean? This is a minor incident, but it's clear how a habit of seeing everything in the worst possible light takes all the joy out of everything.

[What am I going to do with the umbrella they gave me? Not sure...]

Audio of the talk is here, by the way:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldx663nsRz0

My most recent video about my recovery:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8Q1Uq962tc

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

scottij | @scottij | Feb 4 6:44am
In reply to @northoftheborder "Thanks, Scott. That's a good example. I tend to the positive side, e.g. "I'm so lucky..." + (show)
@northoftheborder

Thanks, Scott. That's a good example. I tend to the positive side, e.g. "I'm so lucky that I live in a rich country where I get excellent medical care and the latest treatments" rather than "It's so unfair that this happened to me" (though I wouldn't be human if I didn't indulge in the second one sometimes).

That said, I learned through CBT (Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy) that the ideal goal isn't optimism or pessimism but realism, because it's the most sustainable:

The optimist says that the glass is half full.

The pessimist says that the glass is half empty.

The realist acknowledges that they'll need to refill the glass soon, but also that they have enough water in it for right now.

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This reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend in an Amsterdam bar in the nineties. Rather than just realist, optimist, or pessimist, we added other ists such as the following.
Communist: Glass and water belong to state
Socialist: Water for everyone
Misogynist: I hate the girly water
Buddhist: Maybe the water is or it is not.
Hedonist: The water turns me on
Scientist: It is actually not glass but a high-density polymer
Environmentalist: The water is probably toxic anyway
and so on.

While I am generally optimistic, I do believe that there is value in acknowledging negative emotions. They are real and to pretend they do not exist is a recipe for depression. As a Stoic I know the only thing under my control is my mind and my choices. So when I feel anger I choose to acknowlege it and replace it with a positive thought and then act on the positive. As Mom said, you must know the bitter to know the sweet.
Best always,
s!

REPLY
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Feb 4 10:25am

I guess I am what is called a pessimist. I know that in discussions with my neighbor she tells me I always go to the dark side and she is right. In conversations with myself I do a lot of self bashing. I never tell myself that I am good enough. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD due to an abusive childhood. Could this be the cause? I am old now - 89 years old - but I am still able to live independently and I know in my mind that this is a good thing. But I find it hard to accept as a good thing.

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1 reply
peanutbutterhair | @peanutbutterhair | Feb 4 1:49pm
In reply to @triciq50 "I journal and doodle every day...one section of it is Gratitude. It helps to take eradicate..." + (show)
@triciq50

I journal and doodle every day...one section of it is Gratitude. It helps to take eradicate the pessimism by thinking of all the simple, wonderful things I have (example: a warm home on a -9 degree day) and writing them down and reflecting on those things. 🙂

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I've kept a gratitude journal for at least five years. I reread it every few days. It's been extremely helpful and keeps my focus on the positive things in my life.

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1 reply
triciq50 | @triciq50 | Feb 4 3:32pm
In reply to @peanutbutterhair "I've kept a gratitude journal for at least five years. I reread it every few days...." + (show)
@peanutbutterhair

I've kept a gratitude journal for at least five years. I reread it every few days. It's been extremely helpful and keeps my focus on the positive things in my life.

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Thank you for saying that, as I generally don't read over what I have written....perhaps I should start doing that!

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1 reply
peanutbutterhair | @peanutbutterhair | Feb 4 4:11pm
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I guess I am what is called a pessimist. I know that in discussions with my..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I guess I am what is called a pessimist. I know that in discussions with my neighbor she tells me I always go to the dark side and she is right. In conversations with myself I do a lot of self bashing. I never tell myself that I am good enough. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD due to an abusive childhood. Could this be the cause? I am old now - 89 years old - but I am still able to live independently and I know in my mind that this is a good thing. But I find it hard to accept as a good thing.

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I have PTSD too.. I think it's awesome you are independent at 89! Congratulations!

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1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Feb 4 4:55pm
In reply to @peanutbutterhair "I have PTSD too.. I think it's awesome you are independent at 89! Congratulations!" + (show)
@peanutbutterhair

I have PTSD too.. I think it's awesome you are independent at 89! Congratulations!

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I have no choice. I visited two facilities who said they had independent apartments. They were so tiny you may as well be in a jail cell. And the rents they charge! You would soon be out of money and then where would you be? Living in my own home, I can do it on my monthly income if I am careful. This monthly income is much smaller than the rent they charge.

REPLY
triciq50 | @triciq50 | Feb 5 4:29am
In reply to @triciq50 "Thank you for saying that, as I generally don't read over what I have written....perhaps I..." + (show)
@triciq50

Thank you for saying that, as I generally don't read over what I have written....perhaps I should start doing that!

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I hope you had a good weekend!

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