I guess I am what is called a pessimist. I know that in discussions with my neighbor she tells me I always go to the dark side and she is right. In conversations with myself I do a lot of self bashing. I never tell myself that I am good enough. I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD due to an abusive childhood. Could this be the cause? I am old now - 89 years old - but I am still able to live independently and I know in my mind that this is a good thing. But I find it hard to accept as a good thing.