Chemo had me asking myself how far I would go to stay alive. Infusion 1: Nobody told me that my digestive tract would shut down; they just told me to eat small amounts multiple times a day, but not what to eat; so I developed a painful bowel obstruction. After that I only ate foods that practically walk through on their own, mostly fruit with cottage cheese, veggies, and soup. I dropped from 125 to 112 pounds. Infusion 2: I was being infused with twice as much steroids as I could tolerate. I went through 72 hours of cold sweats after my first 2 infusions; the chemo and palliative care departments insisted it was depression, which is nonsense and about like calling a woman hysterical. Infusion 3: The steroids were cut by half by the third infusion, and the post-infusion nightmare did not occur again. But nobody told me that the docetaxel infusion was in a solution of ethanol. I couldn't even walk out on my own steam after an infusion. I didn't know what was happening to me until I Googled "chemo" and "drunk." A nurse even asked me once if I "really" needed a wheelchair. Yes, I really needed a wheelchair because I was drunk as a skunk. It's a good thing my husband always drove me to appointments.

While the chemo dept. always says, "everyone is different," the worst side effects I had were well known and could have been avoided. I'm pretty sure most humans react the same way when being infused with ethanol. "I'd like some poison with my poison, please," said nobody ever. Alcohol is a Class 1 carcinogen, in the same category as cigarettes, and I had not had a drink in 13 years.

If I had to do chemo again in the future, God forbid, I think it would go much more smoothly; assuming I agreed to do it again. But this learn-as-you-go business is a huge drag. Ironically, oncologists who get breast cancer are shocked -- shocked! -- by the cancer patient experience. Were they listening to their patients at all? Did they not know how much their patients were suffering? They are surprised that their concerns are casually blown off. Then they write a book or start a Youtube channel about their own experiences because they're experts with a story to monetize!

I also had chemo brain fog. I have a master's degree in English, as well as a J.D., but I was unable to read or spell as my I.Q. temporarily dropped about 40 points. I got slight neuropathy in my toes. I had dizzy spells and fainted a few times. I had a slight but persistent nasal drip after my nose hair fell out with the rest of my hair. Chemo dried out my skin, which, despite constantly drinking water, has only started to plump back up and stop shedding 6 weeks after the last chemo cycle ended. Black clothes were out until the shedding stopped.

Hang in there. I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, too, and recovered my immune system and energy one month after the end of the last chemo cycle. I'm 63 years old.