I have had long stretches of waking up suicidal. I am in one now. Antidepressant have never worked for me, and I've been on many, some for a long time. ECT did not work for me nor did Ketamine, though it was nice to be high for a couple of hours.

At my best I am a little sad. It is a level of sadness that I can live with. Loving my ex-wife and raising my children made it receed. Now that they are no longer in my life the clouds are over my head everyday. Most days I just want my life to end. Some days I think I will make it end.

What does work a little is getting out of bed and heading to the gym to exercise, even though I do not want to. It also helps that I eat a very nutritious diet. I plan it out so I don't have to try to figure it out in the morning when my depression is at its worst.

I'm not okay, but I'm functioning. If I am not going to kill myself, a daily decision, I am going to do everything I can to get better; mainly for my kids.

I have known peace and joy in my life, I suspect you have too. If I am not going to die, then I fight the best I can to get back there. Somedays all I can do is get up, have some breakfast (no sugar mind you) take a shower and turn on the television. On a good day I work on rebuilding my life.

I hope you live in peace and good health.