Having trouble getting out of bed.

I feel the same way, staying in bed all morning. That is the depression.

Have you found an anti-depressant or any other medication that you find helpful?

@marjou is right in my opinion. Depression makes it hard to get moving in the morning. So I do not think your lazy.

How long have you been the anti-depressant? It takes time for it to take effect.

I have struggled a lot with depression in my life. It catches up with me sometimes, but overall I handle it pretty well. Especially in the five years since my stroke, not giving in has been a primary mission.

It's not easy. I'm permanently disabled. Mobility is severely limited. Pain is constant and intense. Sleep is very hard to come by. Most of my old "friends" abandoned me after the stroke, and making new ones has been hard for me my whole life.

But when I'm at my worst, I take stock of things I'm grateful for. (I keep a running list in my head, but it needs updating, and at times I forget.) I call it my "Five-Minute Depression Treatment".

I think of the hundreds of millions around the world who are lacking food, water, shelter, clothing, health, freedom, peace, family, money, security, etc. etc. Things that I have and take for granted.

It makes me feel two things:
1. Depression is a luxury.
2. Depression is often suppressed anger. Where is the hidden anger inside me?

This doesn't always work. But more often than not, it helps. It at least gets me out of bed.

Now this is just me. Every situation is different, of course.

Mike, I have been on this particular anti-depressant for over a year now. I still have days where I think I just don't want to be here anymore...I was really hoping the anti-depressant would eliminate that feeling. I just don't enjoy doing much of anything anymore and I feel like I just get throughevery day so I can do what I enjoy the most ... sleep (when I actually CAN sleep) or just rest and do nothing because I'm so tired of feeling so "blah" about everything. I just keep thinking ...what happened to me?... And what have I become and how do I change it? I know the way I feel is not normal or healthy...one should not wish for the end to one's own life, but I find I often do wish that for myself. 🙁

Scott, I am sorry to hear all of this. How very difficult for you. I admire your strength.

Thank you.

One thing that gives perspective to think of the effect on my wife.

We took vows for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. Well, my stroke gave her poorer, sickness, and worse all at the same time.

She has had to watch her previously capable husband become a wreck, unable to stand or walk or speak coherently. That was on Christmas Day, 2018.

For a long, long time after that, I needed her help to get dressed, eat, and do about everything. Plus, she has had to witness my fight with pain, insomnia, and even more pain, and be unable to do anything about it.

Still, she loves me, and every step back from that has been a reason to celebrate.

For me to see her so exhausted yet still be able to look at me lovingly after all that...how ungrateful would I have to be not to appreciate that?

I need reminding now and then, but I am a very lucky man indeed.

I struggle with these feelings, too. There are very painful mornings when I don’t want to do anything at all because everything is so insanely hard to do. I guess my issue is the pain. I don’t like to go through all the extra pain of getting up and getting dressed; making myself presentable to get on with the day.

Then, I hear my dear Mom, whispering in my ear once again…”Judith. you don’t have to like it Sweetie, you just have to do it.”

She has been gone many years and her favorite saying that irritated the hell out of me as a teenager, I still sometimes hear to get me up and going.

Sometimes tough love is necessary.

triciq50, thank you for sharing your feelings. I get those feelings on occasion too. Especially when I have a "blue day"...that's what I call them. Anti-depressants help, as I can recall how I was before I started taking them. I have great days too; days where if you were to say I have been diagnosed with depression I would not remember it. So I know I am better but really not cured. Sometimes I feel trapped in this. I get the sense you might feel the same way.

In addition to medication, what else are you doing? I have been very active in the past year doing outdoor activities, social activities, journaling, and really just about anything I never have done before. Getting out with people was so important. I go to therapy and it helps to talk about things (actually it has been the most helpful).

Like you, I ask myself the question, "what happened to me?" Not sure when was the onset of your depression. A year ago perhaps? Mine came from a cardiac event/survivor's guilt. In reality, I have a great life. I should be happy. Even with all these activities, I could never get past the "blah" myself.

I will tell you it took a while for me to really turn a corner on this. It is when you recognize what is it that makes you feel the way you do, that's when you have something. For me, it was my emotional relationships between myself and others. I had lost my self-esteem and self-worth through my depression. I am too scared to get this back. That is when you are facing your inner feelings head on. It is hard, but knowing what path to take is so important. Hopefully, you will have a guide (therapist) and those who will support you (family and friends).

Getting back to your post. If the medication is not entirely working, a change may be in order. Just know, you should trust your feelings/instincts on this. My personal advice is any changes in medications you need to be watchful in your behavior and feelings. You are the only one who truly knows what is going on.