I believe that everyone has the right to decide when life is no longer worth living. So, I will not try to convince you that you have so much to live for. Only you can decide that.

I like you, and so many others on this board have lost everyone and everything that mattered to me. That I am still alive today has more to do with not having an effective means to end my life then any desire to keep going.

Nonetheless, there are days when I think I can still make a difference in the lives of others. I do not believe life is anything more than an evolutionary accident. For good or ill humans have developed consciousness, meaning we suffer.

If I am consigned to living out my natural life then I find relief where I can get it. I can't drink. I can't do drugs. I can't in good conscience get into a relationship. What is left to me is to try to alleviate the suffering of others and in so doing lesson my own.

Purpose is my narcotic.

Perhaps what we lose when loved ones are taken from us is the purpose that comes with caring for them.

I hope you can find peace!