I’m sorry but I don’t think humor is the order of the day. From someone who has suffered from constipation all her life. Literally! I nearly died as a baby from a milk allergy that caused my constipation at that time. Now I use a combination of one top of the largest bottle of MIRALAX and one cap full of CLEARLAX. And though they are suppose to be the same..in my body they are not. MIRALAX helps my body absorb moisture and the CLEARLAX pushes the stool out. When I discovered this comb along with 6-8 bottles plus other fluids a day I got relief from constipation in my life for the f first time and I got relief from the stress of knowing that I could not have a bowel movement. I sure hope that something that you have heard today helps. Prayers to you!!