It is all to human to place the sick in a group of: them. Providers are, in my experience, all to human. Few providers are capable of true empathy and compassion, they are just to worn down. I often feel like they just want me to go away. So, I ask them; "should I just die and get this over with"? Frequently, this question gets their attention. Another comment I have used is; "I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass but I am fighting for my life".

Providers care or they wouldn't have chosen the profession they are in. They just sometimes forget we are people not problems to be solved. I try to remind them that I am a person. In my experience they usually give me at least an extra moment.

All patients have to advocate for themselves. Sometimes quite aggressively. When my mother-in-law was dying her ex-husband who is a doctor told me, "you have to advocate for her, don't let them make you back down, if you don't no one will". And they didn't even speak to each other. But he knew how the system worked. This was twenty years ago and it hasn't gotten any better.

When it comes to mental health the ongoing stigma can make it even more difficult. My own desire to down play how much I am suffering and my ability to keep functioning even when I am in utter despair can lead to me being ignored. I have learned that I have to do whatever it takes to get the help I need, even if that means being a pain in the ass. I am polite but persistent.

I find it also helps if I have done my homework and all the wellness actions available to me. If there is something I can do to get better, I do it. I mean everything, diet, exercise, meditation, journalling and never ending research into my conditions. If I expect my providers to work for my wellbeing I will show them how hard I am will to work to get well.

It is my life, no one is going to outwork me! If I don't make it, it won't be because I didn't try.

One of the additional benefits of working hard and doing my homework is that my providers know I am keeping track. That I will check all their recommendations and I will hold them accountable if they don't do their best.

Does all this work all the time? No. I still get dismissed. I still get frustrated with treatments that don't work. And I still want answers on what is and has been going on with me. At least my providers sometimes say "I'm not sure let's try this and see if it helps".

I am creating a company that will provide patient medical research to individuals and their providers. Maybe armed with more information we can all get better answers while showing our providers we can do our homework too. More than once, I've told my providers things they didn't know. That's one way to get their attention.

I hope everyone lives in good health and peace.