@santolina – just read your post and trying to post some words of encouragement to you even in the midst of what seems desperate times.
To start I just want to say what your so called friends have done to you was pathetic! Please know that their deeds have not gone unseen by our heavenly Father. I get the part of how you feel about what the meds were doing to you. Often it takes weeks or even months for the right outcome to happen with several of these meds and often people are now having specific DNA test done to see what specific med would work better for them.
You ask the question how does one find something to look forward to? My suggestion is to build on what you said first of all. The Joy you have looking forward to seeing your husband and dog is a great start. I personally try to focus on the often small but wonderful things going on around me each day.
On my regular walks that could mean how the dew has settled on a spider web, ducks swimming in a pond together that appear to be a couple, the shapes of the clouds and the faces I see them. If we take the time to look we often see things that normally we would walk right by.
I don't know how you view Faith, but when it comes to Joy I rely more on my faith to bring joy. That is often not seen, but felt deeply.
I am so glag you took time to vent on Mayo Connect. You will find a whole host of loving folks here that although we are not doctors, have been through lots and as each of us chime in it's my hope you will feel that we are holding you up with caring words. You are not alone! Jim@thankful.