I’m so sorry you are facing this. I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in 2001. I was barely 31 and had a 3 year old and 6 mo old baby. I am lucky and so grateful to still be here and especially get to see my girls become amazing young women. I hope I never take that for granted.
I’ve had several reoccurances over the past 11 years and am just wrapping up another round of chemo. People ask me what has been the hardest part of all of this. In retrospect it was the diagnosis. It was that moment when I realized my baby would never know me and my 3yr old would only have vague memories. It still sickens me to think about it. Depression eventually did set in. I was placed on an anti-depressant which helped considerably. I recommend talking to your doctor about it and see if there is something right for you to just take the edge off.
Whether it is stage 1 or 4, the diagnosis is horribly frightening. You are no “looser” for what you feel and are fearing. It is real. Keep going and focusing on your family. Don’t let the “what ifs” take control of your life. When I feel down or worried, I set a time-limit on how long I can be down and out – usually 3 hours which may include a nap, exercise, a horribly wicked food, and maybe a comic movie or book. When 3 Hours are up, I say, “Okay. Now go do something for someone else.”. And I do. And it works for me.
Anemia has been a problem sometimes for me and so I set limits on what I will do that day, i.e. I will commit myself to straighten or clean only 1 to 5 things in each room. Or I tell myself I can quit doing things by 11am since my energy is best in the morning. This way I feel like I accomplished just what I said I would.
I hope this can be of some help to you. I know it was a long, long response, but I sincerely wanted to address each of your concerns. You’ll get the hang of how to cope efficiently. It just takes time. May your cancer never return. – Hugs