I can relate. Due to depression and anxiety I never could connect with girls when I was a teenager or as an adult. I could not understand, I wasn’t unattractive and I was even sometimes chased by women. When I was about 30 I was doing ok but I had always wanted a wife and children as all my HS friends had married and were raising families. I got a real good job with a regional accounting firm as I had persevered with much difficulty to get a degree in accounting following in my deceased father’s footsteps. ( btw I too had and have a problem with alchohol ) In this job that I really liked I was at my desk one day and I could not make myself work to complete my task and I became very frightened and called a shrink and without any diagnosing they asked me 10 questions and told me (labeled me as depressed).
The pschologist who was not supposed to write prescriptions had the Doctor put me on a antidepressant and it worked very well. I conttinued therapy for a while and signed up for a computer class, bought a cheap camera and then went to a happy hour and made friends very easily. I felt so good especially when drinking. I started drinking too much and knew it and I told my therapist and he told me not to worry about it that it was ok. He also advised me to just have fun with women and not worry. So one night I met my future wife and I also connected to another cool chick. I was able to work very fast and got a substantial raise. It seemed too good to be true and it was. My wife and I were blessed with 2 beautiful healthy children.
Anyway when the drug stopped working it all vanished, my wife was suppotive for a while but when I kept sinking into the darkness of depressiom she deserted me when I needed her the most. I had to be hospitalized with a broken heart. Not only did I lose my wife but she turned my children against me.
I feel for you