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Posts (13)

May 8, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@parus Why, thank you! And, thank you for the sage advice! I'm afraid I may have made that post a little too quickly. While I did feel pretty dang good when I typed the aforementioned, I am now struggling with insomnia due to not taking the Hydroxine (antihistimine) to make me sleepy and, I am back on a once a day dose of the Propranolol due to a racing heart and shaking that I experienced yesterday. Not being able to sleep is pretty frustrating, but, worse than that, I think, is finally, finally, getting to sleep and then having a horrible nightmare! I realize that nightmares are part of the recovery, but, it still is pretty unnerving. I did sleep last night, surprisingly, but, I awakened at 1:30 and thought that I was in my bed, which I was, but, rather than in my room, I thought I was in the back of the feed shed on my farm! I was flummoxed as to what I should do as I needed to pee and, obviously, there was no bathroom in the shed! I also wondered what the red lights glowing a few feet away were! Not knowing what else to do, I sat on the edge of my bed to orient myself and, after a short while, realized where I was. It took me a little after that to realize that the glowing lights were the numbers on my clock! It would have been absurd except it was so disheartening! I have come a long way in the past weeks, but, as much as I'd like to think otherwise, I do have more healing to do. Going through the taper was a no brainer, but, it does pain me that it had to happen, that I was allowed to stay on the Diazepam so long. Yes, this can be done, I am proving this to myself all the time. But, it sure aint easy!

May 3, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@wonderwoman66 Well, folks! I have been diazepam free for 40 days now and things are going very well! I saw my physician yesterday for a follow up and he said that I do not have to see him again for three months! Whee! I also am bidding a not so fond farewell to Hydroxine, an antihistamine I was taking to combat insomnia related to the taper, Propanolol, which I was taking to stave off anxiety related to the end of the taper, and, whoo hoo! Gabapentin, which I don't need and didn't want to be on anyway. So, things are looking good in that department and, if that wasn't enough, I also am whittling down my visits to my therapist. I only see him once a month! My energy is back, I am resuming my life and I feel happy again. The depression that haunted me is now a thing of the past. I hope that things will work out as well for others as I know everybody heals at different rates. Just know that it can be done, and that it does get better. I do have some residual effects from this benzo experience, but, I can live with them.

Apr 12, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@merpreb Certainly! I'd be glad to discuss this! Here goes! I first began experiencing anxiety a year ago last month. I would awaken with the feeling of things being awful, everything was wrong, I was wrong, I was scared and I didn't know why. I'd never had anxiety before and I was confused as to why it was happening now. I chalked it up to numbness, tingling and weakness I was experiencing in my legs, a result, I figured, of a long ago spinal cord injury I suffered from C2-C7. I didn't know what else it could be. The anxiety did improve as the day wore on and by evening, I'd be feeling more like myself. After several days of awakening this way, however, I saw my primary care physician and he prescribed Xanax. The anxiety still plagued me and, after making a call to my primary care's office several days later, I was told that I should not have been taking the Xanax every day as it is habit forming and that I needed to get off of it and onto something else if the anxiety was continuing. So, I made an appointment, but, rather than see my physician, I had to see a floater as my physician was out of the office. The floater prescribed Busprione in place of the Xanax but, it interacted with my antidepressant and I wound up suffering a serotonin storm ( agitation, elevated blood pressure, elevated heart rate, dilated pupils). I stopped taking the Busprione after a conversation with a pharmacist after I became suspicious and needed information and, first thing that Monday morning, scheduled another appointment with another doctor as my physician was still unavailable. This doctor adjusted the dose of my antidepressant, but, once again, this did no good. The pattern continued. I struggled with the anxiety every day, some day's worse than others for close to a year, due to the fact that nobody seemed to really want to listen and to observe except for the therapist I have now. The doctors all focused on my worry over my legs and the first therapist I had made me feel as though things were my fault. I had a couple of meltdowns after awakening in a sort of panicked state and needed to talk to someone, my sister, the therapist, the doctor, somebody, just to hear a voice telling me I would be okay. Even with the meltdowns, one of which included my laying in bed and pondering over the best way to end my life as I couldn't stand how I was feeling, nobody seemed to pick up on things save for my current therapist who observed the pattern I was displaying and realized what he was seeing. He then broached the topic with me and asked if I thought I could be "crashing" and described how this would happen. I realized he was right and I was so relieved to know I wasn't losing my mind. I went on my taper shortly after that and, now, as I go into my 4th week of Diazepam freedom, I have no anxiety at all! I awaken feeling groggy thanks to the antihistamine I take at bedtime to help me sleep as my body adjusts to this new state of not taking a benzodiazepine, but, not riddled with anxiety and I don't go to sleep dreading the next day's arrival. What a difference! Hope this helps and feel free to ask me questions, etc. I want to use this horrible experience for good.

Apr 9, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@merpreb A tranquilizer. I thought it was something like that. With that kind of a name, how could it not be? LOL I think I have turned that proverbial corner. At least I hope I have. I don't know what proceeded this change, really, except a lot of prayer on my part and on the part of family and friends who knew what a difficult time I was having. I also drank a lot of water to flush the diazepam out of my system. Perhaps this may have helped. Another thing I did, though not with any degree of intensity, is I started walking around the perimeter of the upper pasture on my farm. I am a swimmer and I used to swim a mile's worth of laps every week, but, became unable as I went through my taper. I think, though, it's just a combination of things, a desire to really get my fighting Irish up, as my dear late mother would say, and show the diazepam who is boss, along with all the love and prayer that was and still is sustaining me. Another thing that has helped has been getting the upper hand on the depression, a result of hitting tolerance with the diazepem, that had me down for so very long. With my mood improved, I was able to better contend with the other symptoms such as shaking, buzzing, insomnia. Having the best therapist in the world has also been helpful. If not for him and his observation about the pattern I had been exhibiting with the anxiety that was crippling me every morning, I would never have been on this taper to begin with. So, I think it's all a combination of things, not the least having had a prime example of strength and tenacity in my mother, with whom I have shared many health woes.

Apr 8, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@merpreb @falon What is Librium? I have never heard of it. It sounds scary. I am doing much better and I hope this is permanent and not a window of wellness only. I was very active today and it felt great even if all I was doing was making mac-n-cheese for dinner, cleaning house, doing a few farm chores and taking a walk down to the pasture to see the rain swollen creek this a.m. This p.m. I searched (fruitlessly, I'm afraid) for a box of socks in my closet, reconciled my bank statement (it balanced again! My checkbook balanced again! Whee!) and now am going through email with an eye towards a nice warm bath and then catching up with the newspaper. It is good to be busy and feeling like I want to do something for a change. I would not have believed two weeks ago I would feel this way now.

Apr 1, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@merpreb I am still on the Propranolol, but, when I see my doctor tomorrow he may take me off of it. I don't know what to expect. When did you start to feel better after you went off of diazepam? Personally, I don't know how you did it cold turkey. This taper and now post taper have been horrible! Did you have symptoms like insomnia, internal tremor, buzzing, depression?

Apr 1, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

@parus You have been off of diazepam for six months and the mornings are still difficult for you? I'm only beginning the second week of post taper life. When does it start to get better? I must sound like I'm whining, but, I feel so lousy today and just want back the life I used to love so much before hitting tolerance and experiencing the anxiety. Btw, did you take diazepam for your cervical issues? That is why I took mine. I was put on it by a former neurologist for muscle spasms. I hope you can get things squared away so you can resume your art. I have exchanged tweets with somebody who does art on Twitter and is currently unable to do so because of her taper, etc. Wouldn't it be funny if you were she, etc.? Best hopes and prayers.

Mar 28, 2019 · Valium (diazepam) Taper in Depression & Anxiety

I have finished my taper. I am now four days diazepam free. I still have a difficult time in the mornings and I'm wondering if that will ever end, but, the afternoons do tend to get easier, though, I did have symptoms into the evening on Tuesday night. Buzzing, shaking, typical benzo withdrawal. It's a nasty feeling to have that, but, I guess it's my body's way of saying that I am healing from this toxin that was eating away at my brain as I tried to go about my life until the anxiety began. I can't wait until the day comes when I can awaken and feel good again, look forward to a new day again instead of wishing it weren't upon me.