@muriel66 Thank you for your beautiful messages. I have read the messages you sent already many times…they carry so much meaning because I feel that you understand things that few others do. Last night, I read what you had written yesterday out loud to my husband. When I turned to look at him after I had finished, I saw that he had a tear running down his face. He said, "I have not known how to help you." We both feel such gratitude for your kindness in reaching out to me to give me hope for the road ahead.
I have just started seeing a professional counselor (today was my first appointment). I was very grateful that she talked to me about the process of grieving. I think she will be a good fit as a counselor, and I will be looking forward to our future appointments.
I am also grateful for your insight on spiritual healing. The depression I have been facing since mid November has made it difficult for me to feel God's spirit in the same way that I used to. I used to regularly seek God's guidance for what I could do for others. I held a leadership position in my church (I supervised all of the children's sunday school and activities). I was released from this calling just after I came home from the hospital and I have had a hard time understanding where I fit in now. I am no longer one of the people in charge, and that has been a major adjustment for me. I used to be the one who served others, then over the last year I have become the one being served. I so appreciate your insight into the very personal experience of spiritual growth, healing, and joy. I think in the busyness of my former church life, I may have been missing some of the spiritual power that perhaps I can access now, in my quieter life. I also look forward to having a "treasure hunt" with God to try to understand the purpose of my new life.
I am holding fast to the quote you sent: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." I have hope that someday I will feel peace and joy in the places that now feel hollow and sad. The important thing is…thanks to your incredibly insightful messages…I have HOPE.
Thank you. Your words have meant more than you will ever know.