I also lost my husband. It was june 14 19, it wasnt demetia it was his lungs. But it was hard watching him die. I know our situation of losing our husbands are different. I also took care of his aunt that had dementia. It is hard to care for someone with that disease. It is hard and you are a strong person and a very courageous person. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you did a wonderful job. I am positive he is looking down on you and smiling. And knowing what a wonderful person and caretaker you was. I am so sorry for your loss. Just know you can go on without guilt or shame. I can tell you it is not easy. Do you have a church you can go to. They also have grief meeting at most churches. That is where I go to get relief because even though you all lost your husbands they don't condemn you for what you went through because you are just like them. I hope this helps. Again so sorry for your loss.