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Nov 7, 2018 · Arachnoiditis in Chronic Pain

Hi Rachel. I was diagnosed with arachnoidiitis 28 years ago and was single at the time. I also did not know anyone who had it at the time of my diagnosis. 12 years ago I met and married a very special man.He was widowed and spent several years taking care of his late wife. I told him up front about my condition and that I really had no idea if I wanted to be in a relationship with what I dealt with from the arach every day. He was dead set on us being together, so within a few months we were married. I asked him his point of view and he said "I get pretty frustrated with the lack of interest in the condition in the medical field and that my wife suffers so much. I have never had to do hands on care for her, but I am always trying to find ways for her to get the help she needs. I feel like "we" have arachnoiditis because it affects us both when it comes to our relationship. I watch her suffer so much and I would do anything to take this pain and suffering from her if I could. She is such a cheerful and upbuilding person, she makes me feel loved and cared about despite her pain and I could not imagine being without her. If you truly care for someone it is not about what their health is, it is about making the time you have together worthwhile and adapting to each other's needs. I know she would feel the same for me if I was the one who had the health issue. She does not know one minute to the next what she is going to be able to do so we plan activities with that in mind. She has to use a scooter when we go places that require alot of walking so we research ahead of time if they are handicapped friendly. I learned to do therapeutic massage and bought a massage table so that I could ease some of her muscle cramping using these techniques. Bottom line, if you both truly love and care about someone, you are going to adapt around their needs just as they are going to do for you. You both have to be willing to change how you do things so as to help each other. Is it difficult watching someone you love suffer, YES. Do I worry about her, YES. You have to be strong enough to handle that. You cannot just selfishly leave them behind while you go off and do your own thing. I saw that happen in my own family growing up and I was determined not to make that same mistake. It needs to be a family affair with activities that include my wife, done in a way that she can do it. If others are not willing to work around that then we have no use for them. She has made so many changes to accommodate me as well. I don't know if this helps or not but these are my thoughts." Well I hope his thoughts are useful to you. If you have any questions, I will ask him and he can be more specific. I am sorry for what you are going through, it is not an easy condition to live with.