@lita0417, I am so very sorry. I sense your pain, your discouragement, your hopelessness, etc. I have no quick answers for you, but I have felt all the emotions you are currently experiencing. Life is so danged rough sometimes that we wonder if we can get through the next moment, much less the day or the week or any future. Please believe me when I tell you I am proof that miracles do happen. Hang on. I am rooting for you, and I know many other good people here are also sending good thoughts your way.