My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. We dealt with a very similar situation with my mother-in-law. She was in end stage renal failure and along with osteoporosis was no longer able to care for herself. She decided that she was stopping her dialysis. Her mental faculties were impaired because of the kidney damage and thought if she stopped the dialysis she had to stop all medications including pain meds. She decided to do this just before the Christmas holidays.
I had a talk with her and told her that if she was truly ready to end her life that was her decision however I wanted her to think about those around her that would be affected by it. I asked her to think about her son and daughter and her grandsons and how it would affect them to lose her at Christmas. I reminded her that her death at Christmas would make a very happy family time a very sad time for a very long time. I lost my Dad at Christmas many years before and it affected me deeply. I also told her that she could stop dialysis but continue her medications. She wouldn't listen to me.
I talked with my husband and we decided to contact Hospice for advise. We didn't ask them to get involved, we just wanted information. However, they immediately visited her at the nursing facility and we hadn't even talked to her about getting them involved. The Hospice nurse immediately got her set up on morphine for the pain. The nurse also let her know she could continue her medications even though she stopped dialysis. We already knew that stopping the dialysis could be a painful process especially when her body began filling up with fluids and toxins that were no longer being cleaned from her system.
We visited her to discuss Hospice and saw that the morphine was giving her much needed relief from her pain. She had decided that her family was trying to stop her from doing what she wanted. She told us that the facility staff had contacted Hospice for her. We told her that we had contacted them for her because we wanted her to be comfortable.
She passed away on January 9, 2000. She was able to spend a final Christmas with her children and grandchildren enjoying each other's company and for a short while being the Mom and Grandma that we all remembered so well.
My heart goes out to your husband. I'm sure he would prefer to be with you and his son but I understand not being able to be around all the stress. Maybe you can go home for a day or two so he can see for himself that you are doing fine. I hope your son will allow Hospice to just come talk to him about what they can do for him and the family. They can be an invaluable source of assistance and guidance for all of you.
Hugs and Prayers.