Please explain- what is alpha one?
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You must still be in shock! I remember after my husband's diagnosis I kept feeling or was it hoping that none of it was real. I would sometimes close my eyes and wish that when I opened them it would all be different. Also when he told me his diagnosis I remember that the whole room lost it's colour, everything was just white. I still think back and remember how anxious I became, lost 30 lbs. and yet still could not quite believe it was real.
I think generally people don't want to see or deal with our grief as it makes them uneasy. My husband died of Stage 4 small bowel cancer at age 62 almost 5 years ago, so I can attest to the fact it does get somewhat less painful but it never goes away and of course your life is changed forever. I constantly felt at the beginning of this unwanted journey was now what am I supposed to do. There were too many difficult decisions I didn't feel confident to make such as selling my home buying a condo and moving to a new location. Somehow things came together and I am now more settled in my new reality. I think what helped especially at the beginning was attending bereavement groups . When the 1st one ended I joined another group as talking about your loss is so important and is a big part of working through it. My friends were supportive but did not want to talk about it and see my tears of grief after a while, at least that's how I felt. There is great societal pressure to be strong and not burden people with your sorrow. I now have my own cancer diagnosis and feel I am handling it with strength from knowledge about my diagnosis ,family and friend's support as well as knowing I survived my husband's illness and death. I also feel a sense of responsibility to my children to handle this as well as I can and to show them that you are stronger than you know.