~ will I never adjust? ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Jul 11, 2018

Hi everyone. I probably could put this in the depression group, but I haven't had much response there lately, so I thought I'd just vent here. I moved to VA from MD (after living there for 30 years), about 2-1/2 years ago. I'm 73, and I'm trying to find part-time work. Legally, they're not supposed to ask you your age, but they ask you "when did you graduate from high school?" Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to then figure out how old you are. I've applied to several places just for a Receptionist job – part-time ….. no responses. I've got a great background …. worked for a dentist, worked as Asst. Pastor in the Children's Ministry at a large church in MD, and worked for a Psychologist ….. still nothing. I need the extra money. I'm divorced, live in a low-income apartment, and while I don't want to sound snotty, I'm just not comfortable here …. big drug raids, a suicide, fights, a woman whom we believe is a prostitute as she has a steady stream of men in and out of her apartment in another building every Sat. PM …. and on and on and on.
I am so very sorry I moved. I only did it because my 2 girls wanted me to move down here to be closer to them …… I should have listened to my own instincts. In MD I had my own condo, lots of friends, knew the city like the back of my hand, and had lots of friends and a wonderful church. Here? None of that. Thanks for listening. b

@amberpep Well, adjustment is not likely. I do know low income housing has a way of leaving us wondering what we are doing in such a place. I am not being uppity either. For me it is what it is and the best I can do. Working is no longer an option so I am stuck as well. Admire your spunk. I would much rather be somewhere else, but out of options. Do you daughters know how unhappy you are? Is their only reason for wanting you close merely to have you close? I am sorry for many poor choices I have made and now I no longer have any choices left. Sounds you are grieving your losses when you moved. I have no solutions or suggestions. I would that there was something I could offer. Seems rather selfish to me for family members wanting you to pull up stakes to live as you are now.

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@parus

@amberpep Well, adjustment is not likely. I do know low income housing has a way of leaving us wondering what we are doing in such a place. I am not being uppity either. For me it is what it is and the best I can do. Working is no longer an option so I am stuck as well. Admire your spunk. I would much rather be somewhere else, but out of options. Do you daughters know how unhappy you are? Is their only reason for wanting you close merely to have you close? I am sorry for many poor choices I have made and now I no longer have any choices left. Sounds you are grieving your losses when you moved. I have no solutions or suggestions. I would that there was something I could offer. Seems rather selfish to me for family members wanting you to pull up stakes to live as you are now.

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parus …. thank you so very much for replying ….. I really do appreciate it. Yes, the One and ONLY reason I moved here was because my 2 daughters live here and they hounded me for 5 years to move down to "be closer to them." Well, one works full time, and the other will start working next year when both her kids are in school. I'm trying to find a part-time job , but at 73, no matter how proficient you are, very few people want to hire you. Yes, I left a town I'd lived in for over 30 years, knew the town perfectly, had friends, neighbors, and a church I loved. Also I had my own condo, which I sold at a loss. I've been here 2-1/2 years now and it doesn't get any better ….. I look forward to going to bed at night just to get away mentally from it all. I go back to my old town every other week to see my therapist, 3 hour drive one way, and every 2 months to see my Psychiatrist to keep tabs on my meds. After 14 years, I'm not about to start all over with a new therapist or Psychiatrist, so I make the haul. Both my girls know that if it weren't for them, I would not be here, or stay here. I never thought of it as selfish, but you're right ….. it is, and was when they wanted me to uproot myself and move down here. Thanks again parus for answering.
abby

Liked by Parus

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I am sorry you are not happy with your move. This is a story told by many seniors. I too loved my home on the ocean. I believe our kids are selfish in saying they want us to move. But as a parent we hear their pleas. I all my kids hated that I was so far from them. Did they ever stop to think about how happy we were with friends church etc

I don't have the answers, but I would recommend moving forward. I was the one who sold my home, not them. I found a church, did not like it and now found another. I read a lot. I follow stories on the Internet from people I believe I can trust. I found a neighbor and to be honest one visit a week from her is enough. I love the quiet but miss the ocean. My little Yorkie Bella is my best friend. Grab whatever you have left of life and keep busy. I am 76 and do not care to work again.

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@amberpep
Good Morning,
So sorry you are having such a difficult time with your new living arrangements. It is always difficult to leave a home you have loved with good friends and a good life.
I can understand why your children wanted you to move closer to them. As a child of a parent who lived too far, it would have been easier for me to help care for my dad if he had been closer. It was a discussion my brother and I had many times, as well as my hubby and his sister having the same discussion. We decided against having our parents move closer. It was the best for THEM. If we would have moved them up north, they would have been home-bound during the cold, snowy weather with no quality of life
I actually experienced the opposite. My hubby and I decided to move when I retired because of health reasons and my inability to tolerate the cold weather up north. Although I didn't ask, it was daughter and her family that decided to follow us! I don't think they have the lifestyle they had before. I feel sad for them. I know they did it because my daughter would not live so far from me, but also she feels the need to keep a close eye on me and my hubby.
I suppose all you can do to make things better, is to find a new church, join a local senior center or do some volunteering. I know you need to work, but until you find something, volunteering might be a good option. Speaking of jobs, I don't know how much you need to earn, but what about a job at a place like Walmart? I see seniors working there all the time. Same thing at many supermarkets. I know it is not like working for a doctor, but I think mixing with people might be helpful.

I hope things start to change for you very soon!

Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

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OK … here comes another perspective from my personal experience. My parents lived in Virginia for 45 years, near family and all their grandchildren. In their mid-seventies they decided to move back to Pennsylvania, (where both were born) because cost of living was lower and there were more activities for seniors. Within a year or of settling in, my mother developed colon cancer. The surgery did not go well, she was operated on a second time, developed sepsis, remained hospitalized for 2-1/2 months, and eventually died. I literally relocated to Pennsylvania in order to be with her during this time, confer with doctors, plan and execute her funeral, and assist my father in the many duties required at such a time. After her passing, my father became dependent on me as well. When it was no longer safe for him to drive, he expected me to travel 4 hours to accompany him to doctor appointments, bring him to and from Virginia for holidays and numerous special occasions, and keep his loneliness at bay. I ran myself into the ground for another 6 years until he also passed away. He refused to relocate.
While I appreciate the need to be there for our aging parents, I believe even more strongly that we need to make those tasks as easy as possible for our caretakers. Being nearby those who assist us is at the top of the list.

Liked by Jamie Olson

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