Take a peek into the mind and world of a head and neck cancer patient:
There is no words to describe how one feels when you hear the “Words you have Cancer.”
There are many stages you go through as you are wrapping your head around it.
There are many test you are bombarded with as well as biopsies.
Naturally in your mind you think the worst…..
You can’t eat,you can’t sleep, it’s even difficult to carry on a conversation…
You almost feel as if you are on death row being prepared for a firing squad and you see all these healthy people around you and you ask “Why Me?”
The state of limbo not knowing is almost unbearable….
Yet you have those surrounding you with love prayer and positive thoughts…
You know you must be positive but at times it’s very difficult.
Once you have your diagnosis you see your medical and Radiation Oncologist…
Neither sugarcoat what your treatment is like and they tell you that head and neck cancer treatments are of the most violent treatments there are in dealing with cancer.
Then they tell you what the chances are of a successful outcome with your treatment.
In my mind I had always said I will not put myself through this…..
But then I think of my wife,my children, my grandchildren and all of my loved ones…..
My attitude has changed because I owe it to them to fight so I can watch them grow up.
I tell myself I am going to give this one shot so I choose to go with the standard of care and not go with a clinical trial.
As treatments progress I become weaker and weaker. My neck,my throat, my mouth all feel like they are on fire.
The chemo drains me to where I feel like a ragged doll feeling Ill.
Although I have a feeding tube my weight drops and I become the shell of the person I was before.
At the end of treatments it feels so good to finally Ring the bell and I feel proud that I was able to complete my course of treatments that from time to time I wanted to give up on.
If not for my loved ones and my amazing wife I am sure I would have stopped and met my demise.
One year out you get clean scopes and scans… such a great feeling….
Yet in the back of your mind you know there is always the possibility of this ugly monster rearing it’s head again.
That is where you accept your life will never be as it once before….
So that is where you make the choice….
Do I let this define who i am or will I take charge and rely on my faith and positive attitude see me through the rest of my life.
I’m not as strong as I once was,my appearance is not the same and even my hair and facial features have changed.
But one thing I can say for sure is that my life is more filled with Love and Faith and each day I wake up with a smile because I have been given a gift.
Each and Everyone of Us are a Gift to One Another.
Please Don’t Ever Forget That.