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want a child but terrified

Posted by @sunny21 in Women's Health, Sep 1, 2011

Hello I'm sorry if this is a bit depressing or makes anyone uncomfortable, but i need advice for finding a doctor willing to work with me. I'm 30 and have just recently decided to try and get pregnant but i have UC and ptsd/depression. The mental issues stem from childhood abuse by a doctor so although I feel I'm as prepared as a person can be for the phisical issues and pain surrounding pregnency I dont know how to deal the extreme anxiety i have with doctors especially gynocologists. Plus my doctors are split on the issue of my medeications one says stop the other says dont and dont get pregnant and yet a third wants to go halfway and dial back the medication but keep me on it. I've tried to find a midwife nearby because i think i would be more comfortable with that but i cant find one close enough and the only obgyn i like so far works with one i could never let deliver my child because i cant stand to be in the room with her and they cant garantee who i would end up with. Any advice at all would be welcomed as long as its not to give up.

Tags: pregnancy


Posted by @ista, Sep 1, 2011

I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered during childhood. I think the first thing you could benefit from would be some therapy (CBT) to deal with the anxiety. You are taking medications but it seems they are not enough. So first become calm. Maybe have the therapist coach you through the decisions and going to a gynecologist. And find a female obstetrician (if the offender was a man), by all means. Take you significant other with you to all exams to hold your hand if you think that might help.

Do not go off your meds to get pregnant until your anxiety is under control. Think about the go off meds issue during that time. Do a a lot of research into pregnancy and medications. Some are proven not to pass through the placenta and are considered safe.

Last of all, childbirth does not have to be painful. I had my daughter 20 years ago with an epidural and enjoyed the whole procedure. Something like 90% of women have epidurals now. Twenty years ago the guy in charge of the needle said "in the old days people used to drink whiskey before they visited the dentist." I think especially with you anxiety levels it would be a good idea to consider this option.

Do not give up. This can be done. But do it in small steps. When you think of the whole picture it can be overwhelming.

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Posted by @sunny21, Sep 1, 2011

I'm in therapy and my therapist is cautious but hes willing to work with me on this. My husband drives me all my doctors visits and I have family nearby to take me if its an emergency so im very lucky there. I've been doing pretty well lately but the pregnancy issue has made me anxious agian most days I'm downright chreerful though which is a huge change for me. I'm doing all the research i can and so far im thinking i will try and get off the meds with doctors help for at least the first 3 months because thats when they are most dangerous. We arnt trying yet I just want to find an OB get started on prenatals as soon as i can for now so that when im ready i know my body is too. I feel a little rushed because my UC is in remission right now and thats phisically the best time for me to try plus everyone keeps reminding me the older i get the higher the chance of certain deseases or birth defects. TY for the reponse and I am considering an epidural but not being able to tellwhat they are doing to me would be terrifying for me. Do youknow how many people were in the room when you delivered, and how many are technically needed?


Posted by @ista, Sep 2, 2011

Well it sounds like you are doing well leading up to things and that you have a good support system.

When I gave birth there was the doctor and a nurse, my husband and my mother. My husband helped and cut the cord. My mother sat to one side an cracked comments while eating a burrito. Really, who stops off and buys takeout burritos on the way to the hospital for thebirth of her first grandchild? Anyway, there were not a lot of people there.


Posted by @sunny21, Sep 2, 2011

thanks that helps a lot people make it sound like a room full of people are always there and that would make me crazy. i think ive found an ob at last but she cant see me till dec. because apparently everyone else wants her too. I think i would be a bit annoyed if my mom showed up with a burrito but you got a good story to tell your kid lol

Posted by Anonymous-95274fcf, Nov 21, 2011

it takes a lot of effort to give birth and breathing deep at the right times. i would strongly suggest that you plan to have a caesarean birth so your child does not suffer loss of oxygen due to stress and anxiety. normal birth has stress and anxiety so if you come into the labor room with it and with all your fears of drs, the baby will be overwhelmed with these rushes of adrenalin.


Posted by @deliasanderson, Feb 6, 2012

is UC uterine cancer.


Posted by @sunny21, Feb 14, 2012

UC is ulcerative colitis sorry should have specified


Posted by @deliasanderson, Feb 14, 2012

Yes, that is quite different, thx. So it does sound like you worry a lot and it's manifested itself in your body. Relaxing and exercising is important while pregnant and before. However, the exercise you did before should be the same during, that is, you don't suddenly take up, horseback riding while pregnant if you did not do it before.
I've heard that birthing your baby in water is extremely comfortable for both mother and baby. Perhaps you could look into that.

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