Hello I'm sorry if this is a bit depressing or makes anyone uncomfortable, but i need advice for finding a doctor willing to work with me. I'm 30 and have just recently decided to try and get pregnant but i have UC and ptsd/depression. The mental issues stem from childhood abuse by a doctor so although I feel I'm as prepared as a person can be for the phisical issues and pain surrounding pregnency I dont know how to deal the extreme anxiety i have with doctors especially gynocologists. Plus my doctors are split on the issue of my medeications one says stop the other says dont and dont get pregnant and yet a third wants to go halfway and dial back the medication but keep me on it. I've tried to find a midwife nearby because i think i would be more comfortable with that but i cant find one close enough and the only obgyn i like so far works with one i could never let deliver my child because i cant stand to be in the room with her and they cant garantee who i would end up with. Any advice at all would be welcomed as long as its not to give up.