Thoughts and Fears

Posted by kaitlynottum @kaitlynottum, Aug 1, 2021

Hi Everyone,
I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and other various mental illnesses since I was just a little one (9 or 10 I would say) and as I got older my obsessive thoughts about my health got to the point where my doctors had to put in a treatment plan at the ER and recently it's gotten bad again. I've been having frequent episodes of dizziness and chest pain, I've had so many extensive tests done and blood work, several hundreds of EKG's and many workups, everything is a hundred percent normal on every single test and recently I've been having a lot more pain and I feel like I'm going insane and I'm afraid every doctor thinks that way too and most of the time I feel like they don't believe me anymore and even my own family is starting to tell me I'm just crazy, that I'm making this all up but I know it's all real because I can feel the pain but I have no idea what to do, it's like my anxiety and mind don't wanna believe any of my doctors or any of the test results. Am I alone in this?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

Hello @kaitlynottum and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am really sorry that your reality is not understood by those around you and that you are going through this to begin with. I am sure you are both scared and frustrated.

As a way to get a better picture about your past and present, are you willing to share what medications, if any, you are taking? Also, can you better describe your pain in terms of where you feel it and if it is a muscle, bone, and/or nerve type pain?

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I have had major depression to since I was age 7. I suffered a lot through most of my years but they really exploded when my fiancé died when I was 20 years old. After that I suffered a lot of losses like deaths of relatives. But I did not want to go and see a psychiatrist because I was fearful. I was afraid I would be locked up in the institution. My continued suffering for about 10 years and lost many jobs due to my lack of functioning which only made me feel worse. What I did not know is that there was real help for me and it did not involve going to an institution. What I needed was therapy and medication. The therapy gave me a lot of relief. The medication also gave me a lot of relief. If you have not seen a psychiatrist I hope you will. And if you saw one but did not like the person then go to another. I began treatment in 1983 but today many psychiatrist only do medication management. If you find one that does the talk therapy and medication that is the best of all worlds.But if the person does medication management only then you will need that and also go to a psychologist. If you do not have insurance, find a way to pay for it even if you have to borrow money. Otherwise you may continue to suffer for the rest of your life. Emotional suffering can be worse than physical suffering. And if you do not have insurance like I said, after treatment you will be Far more functional and productive and able to pay that money back.

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