Partner in hospital with COVID: It's the ultimate scare of my life
good evening, i guess we just say whats on our mind? Help. to tell the truth ive never been more scared in my life. my friend or actually my boyfriends co worker who ive never met although hes worked for this company for over 5 yrs said I sound high spirited, welp, im not. I think its because ive told myself to expect the worse but truthfully i am in such disbelief, horror and i dont know how to make it stop.
my boyfriend of 18 yrs is in the hospital with covid. He was having trouble breathing so he was admitted to icu for 2 weeks. he can barely talk and i visualize him as the fighter or the strong man ive known him to be. hes gone from icu to the fourth floor where he has his own phone now but cant seem to remember my number and he seems to be sleeping when i call the nurses station when im almost in a panic because i cant see him, take care of him or just, I dont know, something better than the engagement of the now communication which seems like none.
ive read about covid recently and the affects as well as the during and after math. this is down right the worse and sure hes not in icu anymore but i dont think hes in the clear and he seems so far from any kind of clear by far. hes 44 and im trying to prepare myself if he doesnt make it but come on, im fooling myself. I dont know how ive kept it together. I wish someone would tell me hes not gonna die. thats not possible as each person is different.
I just want to know hes not gonna die. im not ready, not that anyone ever really is, to let him go.
please, i not only need support and need to be told this is not the end.
bless each and everyone who is having a difficult time with covid and/or any other sickness. I know im not alone on my feelings but i feel alone.
I wish this covid thing affected everyone the same. not to see or hear a person going through any torture, no not at all. i just wanna know what to expect.
im sorry to anyone whos gone through this or anything unexpected. it doesnt seem fair. i know life isnt fair, this seems more unfair then the most unfairness imagined.
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Please have faith and trust in the lord. My brother traveled the road as your loved one. He made in just fine, in and out ICU twice, in hospital 4 times yes for COVID. We felt the same way as you do but he made it. Let's pray for him, I'm sure he is strong willed and will fight this battle with COVID and WIN. YOU KEEP THE FAITH AND BE STRONG. GOD BLESS
The possibility of losing the person we love most in this world is terrifying! So please don’t believe or listen to what some stranger says about you. You’re in a world of hurt right now, filled with worry and anxiety over the health of your partner. Covid is such a horrid, unpredictable virus and I’m so sorry your boyfriend is now so ill. It sounds as though he is getting good care at the hospital and has made it this far! Don’t give up hope.
During your 18 years with him, you’ve known him to be a strong man, a fighter!! Now you need to be strong and brave too, for him and yourself! Worrying and feeling panicked saps your energy and takes control over every rational thought. I know how hard it is to continue to feel upbeat when you’re feeling so discouraged and uncertain. But your energy now has to remain positive for this man in your life!
If he’s been moved from ICU, that is a good sign. I know you’re not able to visit but you can do things that will help you feel as though you’re connected. Could you send little messages in cards for him? You mentioned he has a phone in his room. From my personal experience the phone was difficult to reach even on the table next to my bed. And when I was tired, I couldn’t hold it to talk. But does he have a cell phone? Or sometimes the hospitals will have an iPad where the nurse will help connect you for a FaceTime visit.
Another thing that can help is to keep a little daily journal for yourself filled with things you want to say to your boyfriend. Write as though you’re talking to him. It will also help you feel connected.
Please tell me a little more about him? What are some of your favorite memories of him being strong and invincible?
I am so sorry you are going through this! As Lori said, you know he is a strong person, so trust that he will make the journey back to health.
You need to be strong and to find the most positive, supportive person you know to talk to right now – whether it is a friend, religious leader, family member. Also listen to music that is soothing to you and breathe deeply to calm your feelings of panic.
The next thing you need to do is to stop reading "horror stories" on the internet. Maybe instead you could read and listen here to what the Mayo medical community has to say about Covid recovery and how to support your boyfriend https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/post-covid-recovery/
In the meanwhile, ask the nurse if she can help your boyfriend dial your number, or post it in big numbers on the wall where he can see it.
If you have specific questions feel free to come back anytime and chat –
Hi @pleasedontgo, I know you’re very upset about your significant other being hospitalized for Covid. Is there any news about his condition? Have you been able to get in contact with him?
good morning or early afternoon, please bare with me as my life doesnt just feel wacked it is wacked.
my house computer quit working my washer broke, i recently had 2 surgeries on my foot from mersa, i lost the rings ricky has given me, ive also lost my silver earrings, 2 of my 3 dogs recently passed, my income is the same but rickys not working and so income for the house is probably down at least 70 2 80 percent less. we have no coverage for medical bills, im pretty sure we'll loose our car because of no payments soon.
ugh! one of my usual phrases is, "expect the unexpected." lol, its easier said then done i suppose.
the above is just right off my head and then theres no tags on my truck but i got the keys yesterday for the car which is completely legal but this morning had a flat so blah blah i still feel strong and the only real issue im having, other than the above, is rickys state of mind.
he kept chuckling with disbelief at what is happening. its difficult for me not to start balling my head off. I really dont know how i dont. I think psychologically my brain is in charge and my brain knows i can ball my head off later if need be and it just isnt the time.
I could go on and on with issues of the world and i just had to catch my breath and be thankful rent n utilities is paid might loose the car but register the truck and its fine.
I need to remember Im so filled with all over the map emotions and not forget my fellow people such as all the support im getting from this site. It seems I have no time for anything but i feel ive accomplished absolutely nothing by the time i get to bed at 3 or 4 am and wake up bombarded with things to do.
other than getting the tire fixed but not until around 3 waiting on a compressor from my landlord so i can drive to les schwab and a few phone calls im not doing to much today cause i had my second shot yesterday so my arm hurts ive got a head ache and oh my gosh after putting the spare on the car last night and not getting home till almost 10 im beat.
I hate i feel like im being selfish. i ramble on n on about me. I should be asking and showing sharing grace nice conversations and so forth for you and all who have reached their hand and heart out to me.
please forgive me if i dont. life is crazy and im over whelmed. i know in the long run God knows what hes doing and he gives me strength.
so if lori and all others can be patience with me for a few days i would really appreciate it. right now this is all fresh and new and Ive been dealing with it for a month now but i hadnt realized the severity of it until i reached out for support
Im thankful for each and everyone of you. this is turmoil. Its of all of you, making it a little easier.
he wont be home for a couple of weeks, if that, so meantime im looking for a hospital bed. an electric one so hes able to come home instead of a nursing facility. who doesnt love coming home???????
i have a small house, my name is adell. im not rich and ive explained my finances but i can pay up to 100 or 150 so please keep your eyes ears n heart open for a hospital bed
like i said just bare with me while i try to grasp onto my current situation.
i have to make sure im okay first/
thanks for all the support. im sorry for all who are going through such unexpected sadness worry.
your all special and no one deserves to go through this like ever.
respectfully @pleasedontgo, adell
@pleasedontgo i can tell that you are very upset. It’s awful to feel that way, isn’t it? Do you have a neighbor who might help? My new neighbor came over last week to tell me that husband had open heart surgery. I don’t know them well, but was more than happy to help. Also, talk with the social workers or discharge planners at the hospital. They have their sources and probably know where you can rent a hospital bed. But, you know, hospital beds are really for the convenience of the nurses! All you really need are pillows. You will want to get your boyfriend out of bed as much as he tolerates. Just fix up a room for him with a comfortable chair and footstool, maybe a bedside commode ( so you wont need to get him to the bathroom all the time). And maybe a walker! Our senior center in town has all this equipment for loan.
I was a nurse, so I’ve helped families get all this ready for the family member’s homecoming. See if you can get an appointment with the discharge planners and explain what you need. I know you can do it! Your message told me how strong you are!
Will you write back and let e know what you learn?
@pleasedontgo Have you checked out the Caregivers discussion group?
There are many wonderful, helpful people, especially @IndianaScott . Try the site, i know you’ll find lots of information!
good morning and thank you for your hand and heart. I cant emphasis to any person how nasty covid is.
I had to rush to hospital late afternoon yesterday because ricky was saying he was leaving the hospital. I had told ricky i needed to stay home cause the day b4 i got 2nd covid shot and my arm was killing me i felt a little fatigued and had a bad headache. ricky lost it though so nurse called me sounded like a panic cause she said ricky was leaving the hospital. i threw on some pants brushed my hair back wit 4 quick strokes grabbed my purse and flew to mercy.
right now i have questions concerns frustration wonderment and probably a little anger or hostility but ricky is my only reason if i cry.
i look at his face and hes so lost. hes so confused and its making him angry at times. I told him after 18 years this is our most trying scariest time. he actually mentioned getting the gun when he gets home and long story short nurse gave him some meds of which he choked on as he now chokes on everything and never eats his blended food saying its gross while everything looks like mashed potatoes just each has a different color and smell. he soon fell asleep.
I asked the nurse if i could bring our little dog in and she said yes. we recently lost 2 of our 3 dogs, he talks about pinky, dog, all the time. Ill give her a bath and doll her up first and put her little out fit on and after i get a new tire on my car we can go see him
pinky sleeps by the door when i say rickys name. she hates to be cold but she misses him so bad she lays where theres even a draft and dont seem to care. I mean she hates being cold but waits.
thank you becky for listening to me and responding.
a gently men named bob told me amazing finds just bought out a care facility and is selling hospital beds pretty cheap, well under 200 bucks so i called and a lady told me she would call me on sunday to see what she could find.
I really hope she meant what she said and helps me get this portion of the story done with so i can work on learning reading visiting reaching out listening asking and blah to this current situation. lol.
like i said, i will take care of business but with this whole charade, im dealing with everything i think like i should.
ricky is the only reason i cry if i do because of how frustraing this is for him and his confusion.
needless to say he fell asleep after he calmed down, Ill take our little pinky in to see him today and todays gonna be a great day.
have great day and pray the woman calls me back. they deliver also i just dont want to get to excited in case this doesnt get followed through
have a great day , adell
Oh my dear, dear, Adell! First thing that entered my head when reading this message today was; You need to give yourself some credit for holding yourself together under this much pressure and having presence of mind to reach out to Connect! We’re all about support in our forum. Think of us as a table full of Aunties and friends! (Uncles too, though most of mine would just reply with a grunt or “what you need is a good…” then walk out the door. 😉 But we’re here to help in any way we can, sometimes just to lighten the burden off your shoulders by listening.
Adele, I had your phone number removed for your personal safety because this is a globally public forum. I understand your wanting to get a hospital bed for when Ricky returns home. Were you told he’d require one to be able to be at home? He may not need a special bed so I’d wait until you know. That way you can use the $100-150 for something more vital.
I like @becsbuddy idea of renting or contacting a senior center which loans out medical equipment for short time use.
Let’s put some focus on you. Ricky’s in the hospital being well attended at this point, but my girl, you are frazzled beyond the pale. I know you’re probably used to a division of labor between the two of you. It’s really hard to take on all that responsibility by yourself now and it’s pulling you under.
What can you do to gain some control over your life? It will take baby steps at first.
Financially, are there things draining money that you can offload?
If you have a truck do you need the car? You could get out from under that loan, leaving you with more money.
It sounds like you’re working full time and by the end of the day you’re back home trying to get everything else accomplished. What is sapping so much of your time and energy at home?
A suggestion is to sort through things that require your time. Write down in order of their importance. List the truly important tasks only! This is what I do when I’m feeling overwhelmed with ‘stuff’ in my head. I find actually writing down what I need to do, compresses that list and makes it all manageable. When I see certain things in writing, I realize they’re just not that important anymore.
Do you have any friends or family members who might be able to lend a hand with lawn mowing, helping around the house, etc? Just to get you back on track? Recovering from surgery on your foot has to be adding to the complications!
Try to get to bed by 10:30 -11:00 each night instead of 3 or 4 AM. That’s not sustainable. And often we get ourselves in a state of mind where we just can’t slow down or stop. Been there! But I will tell you, there is nothing more important than your health!!
So Adell, I mean this sincerely, slow down a little and breathe. My daughter, now 38, told me last year how much it meant to her growing up, when I’d grab the area above one or both of her wrists when she was worked up about something. It was meant to have a calming affect and apparently it did. So if I could, I’d reach through this computer this morning to hold you by the arms and calm you down. Take a deep breath and together we’re going to get you through this. You need to take care of you!
How is your foot healing now after the MRSA surgeries?
Adell, I just replied to your previous post and now I see this one. Oh my goodness! I need to be away from my computer for a few hours but I’ll be back! In the meantime, I’m sending you a huge hug for strength!