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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 610
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~Looking for an apartment for the last time, or I'm moving back ~

Posted by @amberpep, Nov 20, 2016

OK, tomorrow my oldest daughter and I are going to look at yet another apartment, for me. I have an apartment but it’s a bit pricey. As a lot of you probably know, I moved here from MD over a year ago, and except for the fact that I get to see my daughters about once a week, I really hate it here. My family knows that. I have my own condo. in MD in which I lived for over 10 years, and I had lived in the same town and area for over 30 years …. I debated with myself for several years whether to move down here near them or not, but finally decided to do it…….big mistake. I’ve looked for a part-time job, but at 71, all employers see is “an old lady” ….. which I am not, but they see the number. My daughter and I have looked at scads of apartments in the passed few months, and the nice ones are too expensive, and the ones I can afford aren’t quite what I’d like to have. So, tomorrow afternoon we will look again. After we see these, we’ve pretty much exhausted all the options in the area, so I’m stuck. No, I’m not …… I’ve told them, nicely but clearly, that I will think and pray about it through winter, and if nothing turns up by Spring, I am moving back to my condo. The environment is so different here ….. people are distant, you can barely get them to talk, let alone have coffee or tea ….. it’s a college town and the students are actually nicer to speak with than the adults! Maybe the adults see me as a Yankee ….. I don’t know what it is, but it’s sure different. In my condo, the whole building was friendly …. there were always people around to chat with ….. and if there weren’t inside, I could take my dog for a walk and always find other friends walking their dogs. It was just a whole different, friendlier, more welcoming environment. So, we’ll see …… if tomorrow doesn’t work for me, then I’m heading back to where I came from. I’m sorry about that because my kids love having me here, but I cannot live like this anymore.
abby

REPLY

Well, finally . . . You have been very unhappy for a long time now. I am glad to hear that you have put a time limit on how much MORE time you are going to spend living in a place that makes you MISERABLE. Sorry, but how much can your daughters really love you if they want you to stay in place that is making you so unhappy? I happen to live in a VERY friendly neighborhood – we have parties, the singletons celebrate holidays together, and we have groups for golf, cards, poker, pickleball and much much more. I came from a neighborhood up north that had NONE of that, so I know how special the place I live in is. Life’s too short, especially at the end, to spend what we have left of it in misery.
Sounds like it is past time to move on. Congratulations on finally setting a deadline for ending your unhappiness!

@berit

Well, finally . . . You have been very unhappy for a long time now. I am glad to hear that you have put a time limit on how much MORE time you are going to spend living in a place that makes you MISERABLE. Sorry, but how much can your daughters really love you if they want you to stay in place that is making you so unhappy? I happen to live in a VERY friendly neighborhood – we have parties, the singletons celebrate holidays together, and we have groups for golf, cards, poker, pickleball and much much more. I came from a neighborhood up north that had NONE of that, so I know how special the place I live in is. Life’s too short, especially at the end, to spend what we have left of it in misery.
Sounds like it is past time to move on. Congratulations on finally setting a deadline for ending your unhappiness!

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Thanks for your encouraging reply. I have come to realize something I’ve known but have not thought about for several years in therapy, that growing up as I did, and having the husband I did, I never really learned to “connect” to anyone ….. it was me – on my own. Thus, I didn’t feel particularly desireous of living near my girls, although I love them in my own way. I know how cold hearted this sounds, and I realize that this is something that has never left me. It’s the message of “UNSAFE – don’t connect with others.” That’s how I grew up, was married, and still am today. Cold hearted, I know.
But, I’m giving these new apts. a try (if I get in … they’re low income) for a good year or more ….. hopefully by then I’ll be settled and feel like I belong down here. I’m praying for that anyhow.
abby

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